At Midlife, This Beautiful Psychological Shift Happens To Many People (M)
Midlife may be less of a crisis and more of a quiet transformation.
Midlife may be less of a crisis and more of a quiet transformation.
Struggling to be kind to yourself? Learn how to direct compassion inwards with these simple techniques.
Learn how to embrace your imperfections, silence the inner critic and unlocking a path to happiness.
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Accept Yourself is PsyBlog’s fourth online course, after The Anxiety Plan, Spark and Activate, all of which are included in the Premium Membership.
The course is designed to help you overcome barriers to self-acceptance and learn daily practices that promote emotional healing.
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Imagine seeing a small child falling over in the street and cutting herself.
We naturally feel compassion, a sense of warmth and understanding.
Although empathising with the child is easy, it can be hard to feel compassion towards ourselves.
Instead of accepting the self, we:
A few years ago, a UK charity surveyed 5,000 people about ten habits that science has shown to make people happier.
The survey revealed that self-acceptance made people most happy — even compared to being positive, learning new things and being part of something bigger.
Despite its benefits, self-acceptance was the habit people were least likely to perform.
We face many barriers to accepting ourselves, including:
Accept Yourself explains how to overcome barriers to self-acceptance through daily practices that promote emotional healing.
Part 1 covers accepting various parts of our lives, including:
Part 2 explains two ways to cultivate self-acceptance. How to use mindfulness to:
How to use compassion training to:
It also includes instructions on compassionate letter-writing and journaling.
Acceptance is about what happens when we get to the end of the solutions road.
It means saying to ourselves, “Yes, this is the way it is.”
This revelation is the first step on a new journey.
Enroll in the Accept Yourself course and transform your thinking today.
The technique is not about giving up, but about engaging with emotions, both positive and negative.
The technique is not about giving up, but about engaging with emotions, both positive and negative.
The secret to getting happier with age is learning acceptance, research suggests.
Part of acceptance is learning to engage with negative emotions, which might seem an odd way of reducing them.
However, older people experienced less anger and negative emotions, the study found.
At the same time, they also showed increase levels of acceptance.
Acceptance, is not about giving up, but about engaging with emotions, both positive and negative.
As the study’s authors explain the…
“…goal of acceptance is not to reduce negative affect but rather to change one’s relationship with negative affect by engaging with all emotional experiences (including negative ones) in a nonjudgmental way.”
The conclusions come from a study of 340 people aged 21-73 years-old.
All were asked how they felt day-by-day and the extent to which they accepted their emotions.
The study’s authors write:
“Although aging is associated with some deterioration and hardship, ironically, people tend to feel better as they age.
[…]
Results demonstrated that feelings of anger and anxiety decreased with increasing age but sadness did not.
Further, increasing age was associated with increased acceptance of negative emotional experiences.”
How does acceptance work?
The study’s author explain how engaging with negative emotions can be beneficial:
“Acceptance is thought to decrease negative affect by two related processes: (a) presenting opportunities to acknowledge and understand negative emotions,
which promotes self-compassion as well as psychological and behavioral flexibility, and (b) reducing rumination, negative cognitions, and metaemotions.Although engaging with negative emotions may initially increase one’s self-reported experience of these emotions approaching negative emotions in a
nonevaluative way diffuses these emotions relatively quickly.”
The study was published in Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (Shallcross et al., 2013).
Setback often lead people trying to lose weight to give up — but there is a solution.
The strategy helps people cope without being defensive.
The strategy helps people cope without being defensive.
Treating oneself kindly when things go wrong is one of the best ways to promote emotional healing, research finds.
People who are more self-compassionate experience less negative emotion.
Self-compassion allows people to accept responsibility for bad experiences, while feeling better about them.
Self-compassion is also linked to more:
Being self-compassionate involves three components:
People who are self-compassionate place less importance on the outcome of events; instead, trying to accept them mindfully whether they go well or badly.
One way of increasing self-compassion is through expressive writing, research finds.
Professor Mark R. Leary, the study’s first author, said:
“Life’s tough enough with little things that happen.
Self-compassion helps to eliminate a lot of the anger, depression and pain we experience when things go badly for us.”
The conclusions come from a series of studies in which people remembered negative experiences, imagined things going wrong and were even given unflattering feedback themselves.
In each case, people who were higher in self-compassion coped better.
Professor Leary explained why self-compassion is beneficial:
“Rather than focusing on changing people’s self-evaluations, as many cognitive-behavioral approaches do, self-compassion changes people’s relationship to their self-evaluations.
Self-compassion helps people not to add a layer of self-recrimination on top of whatever bad things happen to them.
If people learn only to feel better about themselves but continue to beat themselves up when they fail or make mistakes, they will be unable to cope nondefensively with their difficulties.”
Despite the importance of self-compassion, it is self-esteem that is often people’s focus, said Professor Leary:
“American society has spent a great deal of time and effort trying to promote people’s self-esteem, when a far more important ingredient of well-being may be self-compassion.”
However, much of the benefits of self-esteem may, in fact, be down to self compassion, said Professor Leary:
“As you disentangle them, self-compassion seems to be more important than self-esteem, and is in fact responsible for some of the positive effects of self-esteem.”
The study was published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (Leary et al., 2007).
Simple habits for happiness include self-acceptance, giving to others, relating to people and appreciating the world.
Simple habits for happiness include self-acceptance, giving to others, relating to people and appreciating the world.
There is a strong link between self-acceptance and happiness, despite the fact that it’s a habit not frequently practised, a survey of 5,000 people finds.
The survey carried out by the charity Action for Happiness, in collaboration with Do Something Different.
For their survey, they identified ten everyday habits which science has shown can make people happier.
Here are the 10 habits for happiness, with the average ratings of survey participants on a scale of 1-10, as to how often they performed each habit:
(You’ll notice that the first letters spell out the words GREAT DREAM.)
The survey showed that one of the largest associations between these habits for happiness and reported happiness was for self-acceptance.
This category, though, got the lowest rating for people actually performing the habit, with an average of only 5.56.
Top of the list of happy habits that people performed was ‘giving’.
In this category, one in six reported a 10 out of 10; just over one-third scored an 8 or 9; slightly fewer scored 6 or 7; and less than one in six (15%) rated themselves at 5 or less.
One of the psychologists involved, Professor Karen Pine said:
“Practising these habits really can boost our happiness.
It’s great to see so many people regularly doing things to help others — and when we make others happy we tend to feel good ourselves too.
This survey shows that practising self-acceptance is one thing that could make the biggest difference to many people’s happiness.
Exercise is also known to lift mood so if people want a simple, daily way to fee happier they should get into the habit of being more physically active too.”
Here are three ways to boost your self-acceptance, as suggested by the researchers:
“1. Be as kind to yourself as you are to others. See your mistakes as opportunities to learn. Notice things you do well, however small.
2. Ask a trusted friend or colleague to tell you what your strengths are or what they value about you.
3. Spend some quiet time by yourself. Tune in to how you’re feeling inside and try to be at peace with who you are.”
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Develop a more positive body image with this psychological approach to the self.
Up to 50 percent of caregivers suffer mental health problems themselves in the struggle to help another.
Up to 50 percent of caregivers suffer mental health problems themselves in the struggle to help another.
Depression and anxiety do not just place a burden on the sufferer, but also those around them.
Carers for those suffering from mental health problems also feel great responsibility and suffer because of it.
Up to 50 percent of caregivers suffer mental health problems themselves in the struggle to help another.
Research shows, though, that training in compassion can help carers deal with this responsibility, relieving their own depression and anxiety.
Compassion is a skill that involves turning towards other people’s pain.
Similarly, self-compassion involves thinking about the self with kindness, sympathy and compassion, without evaluating or judging the self.
The Danish study put 161 caregivers on an 8-week compassion training course.
Those they were caring for had a variety of mental health problems, including ADHD, depression and schizophrenia.
Ms Nanja Holland Hansen, the study’s first author, explained the results:
“After completing the course, the relatives had increased their well-being on several parameters.
They could deal with the illness in a new and more skillful way, and we saw that the training reduced their symptoms of depression, anxiety and stress.”
Central to the training is learning to deal with pain and suffering without confrontation or avoidance.
Instead of trying to avoid the unpleasantness, it is important to look it in the face.
Ms Hansen said:
“The relatives learned that the more they turn towards what is difficult, the more skilful they may act.
For example, relatives often try to ‘fix’ the problem or the challenge – so as to relieve their loved ones of what is difficult.
That’s a huge pressure to constantly deal with, and very few people can bear it.”
Caregivers to those with mental illnesses face considerable burdens, Ms Hansen said:
“Fear and grief are emotions that take up a lot space for relatives of people with mental illness.
For example chronic fear, which is a real fear that parents of a child with schizophrenia have about whether their child is going to commit suicide, or whether a child with autism will ever enjoy a ‘normal life’.
Our suffering is maintained inside of us when we don’t work with it.
To avoid feeling pain, we may resort to behaviour such as working too much or buying things that we don’t need.
It’s therefore in all these everyday actions that our compassion training becomes important and can be used to help alleviate what is difficult.”
The researchers helped people cultivate their loving kindness, training compassion for their own suffering, for others and for all sentient beings.
Caregivers also received training in ‘Tonglen’, which is Tibetan for ‘giving and taking’.
It is a type of meditation where you imagine taking other people’s suffering away and giving them all that is good in yourself.
The aim is to reduce selfishness and expand the sense of loving-kindness.
Ms Hansen said:
“Not a single person can completely avoid experiencing painful things in their life.
In this way we’re all the same.
But what isn’t the same for everyone is our ability to deal with the pain and suffering we experience.
Training programmes in compassion have been developed because the research shows that we can train and strengthen our mental health.
With systematic training of compassion, we generate more attention – and understanding of – our own thoughts, feelings and behaviour.
And this helps us to develop the tools and skills to engage in healthier relations with ourselves and others.”
→ Read on: how to support a depressed partner.
The study was published in the JAMA (Hansen et al., 2021).
After failures, people tend to engage in self-destructive behaviours, but it does not have to be that way.
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