3 Personality Traits Associated With Infidelity

Up to 50% of people admit cheating on their partner.

Up to 50% of people admit cheating on their partner.

People who are low on conscientiousness are more likely to cheat on their partner, research finds.

People who are not conscientious are careless, badly organised and find it hard to resist temptation.

People who are more extraverted are also more likely to cheat on their partner, the researchers found.

It is probably because extraverted people have a wider social circle and so more opportunities to cheat.

Also, extraverts are impulsive, sensation-seekers who can easily succumb to their desires.

The conclusions come from a survey of 208 people, who were asked about their relationships and whether they had cheated.

Up to 50% of people admit cheating on their partner, the authors write:

“Early studies reported that by the age of 40, 50% of all married men and more than 25% of all married women have engaged in extramarital sexual behavior.

Three decades later, an estimated 50% of men continued to engage in sexual and/or emotional extramarital relations while 40% of women engaged in similar relationships.”

The results of the study revealed that cheaters tend to be low in conscientiousness, extraverted and open to experience.

Extraverts tend to seek out stimulation, the authors write:

“Extroverts may be inclined to cheat to obtain stimulation and prevent boredom.

Extroversion may also facilitate less investment in the relationship when those with this trait seek out others for stimulation, thereby decreasing commitment and resulting in cheating behaviours.”

The third personality trait associated with infidelity is openness to experience.

Openness to experience is linked to intellect and creativity.

The authors explain:

“…cheaters may perceive themselves as having stronger intellect and stronger creativity compared to that of their partners, leading them to seek out partners that may be a better, that is, similar, match.”

The study was published in the journal Current Psychology (Orzeck & Lung, 2005).

The Simple Question That Could Save Your Relationship

When negative feelings accumulate in a relationship, it can become a problem.

When negative feelings accumulate in a relationship, it can become a problem.

Couples are often poor at knowing when their partner is sad, lonely or a little down, research finds.

Instead couples tend to assume their partner feels the same way as they do.

Asking “How are you feeling?” and working on ’empathic accuracy’ could improve the relationship.

Dr Chrystyna Kouros, who led the study, said:

“We found that when it comes to the normal ebb and flow of daily emotions, couples aren’t picking up on those occasional changes in ‘soft negative’ emotions like sadness or feeling down.

They might be missing important emotional clues.”

Misreading your partner

The results come from a study of 51 couples who kept daily dairies about their moods and those of their partner.

By comparing them, researchers were able to see how accurate each person was at empathising with the other.

The results showed that the relatively subtle ups and downs were hard to identify.

In contrast, strong positive or negative feelings were easy for partners to spot.

Dr Kouros said:

“Failing to pick up on negative feelings one or two days is not a big deal.

But if this accumulates, then down the road it could become a problem for the relationship.

It’s these missed opportunities to be offering support or talking it out that can compound over time to negatively affect a relationship.”

Empathic accuracy

Sadness and loneliness were particularly difficult to read, the researchers found.

Dr Kouros said:

“With empathic accuracy you’re relying on clues from your partner to figure out their mood.

Assumed similarity, on the other hand, is when you just assume your partner feels the same way you do.

Sometimes you might be right, because the two of you actually do feel the same, but not because you were really in tune with your partner.”

Asking “How do you feel?” all the time quickly gets irritating, but a little communication can’t hurt.

Dr Kouros said:

“I suggest couples put a little more effort into paying attention to their partner — be more mindful and in the moment when you are with your partner.

Obviously you could take it too far.

If you sense that your partner’s mood is a little different than usual, you can just simply ask how their day was, or maybe you don’t even bring it up, you just say instead ‘Let me pick up dinner tonight’ or ‘I’ll put the kids to bed tonight.’

If there’s something you want to talk about, then communicate that.

It’s a two-way street.

It’s not just your partner’s responsibility.”

The study was published in the journal Family Process (Kouros et al., 2018).

This One Habit Is Ruining Your Social Life

Find out why you’re no longer enjoying time with friends.

Find out why you’re no longer enjoying time with friends.

Smartphones are killing the simple pleasure we can take from socialising.

Research finds that people enjoy socialising with friends and family more if they avoid using their smartphones.

Using smartphones during a dinner with friends led people to feel more distracted and to enjoy the experience less.

Surprisingly, people who used their smartphones during lulls in the conversation reported feeling more bored.

Score one point for old-fashioned conversation.

Mr Ryan Dwyer, the study’s first author, said:

“As useful as smartphones can be, our findings confirm what many of us likely already suspected.

When we use our phones while we are spending time with people we care about — apart from offending them — we enjoy the experience less than we would if we put our devices away.”

In the research 300 people went to dinner with friends and family at a restaurant.

Half were randomly assigned to keep their phones in their pocket, while the other half kept them on the table.

They were interviewed afterwards to see how much they had enjoyed the meal.

Mr Dwyer explained that people were slightly more bored with their phones out, which was surprising:

“We had predicted that people would be less bored when they had access to their smartphones, because they could entertain themselves if there was a lull in the conversation.”

Another study tested other situations by sending a group of over 100 people text messages five times a day to report how they were feeling and what they were doing.

Once again, people enjoyed socialising with others more if they were not using their phones as well.

Professor Elizabeth Dunn, study co-author, said:

“An important finding of happiness research is that face-to-face interactions are incredibly important for our day-to-day wellbeing.

This study tells us that, if you really need your phone, it’s not going to kill you to use it.

But there is a real and detectable benefit from putting your phone away when you’re spending time with friends and family.”

The study was published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology (Dwyer et al., 2017).

These 2 Personality Types Are The Most Compatible

People have a romantic type, study demonstrates.

People have a romantic type, study demonstrates.

People choose romantic partners who have similar characteristics to themselves, a study of over 1,000 people has found.

They go for similar personality, intelligence levels and levels of education.

So, the most compatible personality types are similar personalities.

When it comes to physical characteristics, people also seem to have a ‘type’.

For example, women who like attractive, dominant, masculine men tend to have ex-partners who fit the same profile.

The conclusions come from a study in which people were asked about their current and ex-partners.

The results showed that people choose partners who are similar to themselves in many different ways.

Dr Paul Eastwick, the study’s first author, said:

“Do people have a type?

Yes.

But sometimes it reflects your personal desirability and sometimes it reflects where you live.”

Dr Eastwick explained that some of the similarities between ex-partners were down to being brought up in the same area:

“A second study examined the ex-partners of several hundred young adults sampled from schools across the United States.

The exes of a particular person tended to be very similar on variables like education, religiosity, and intelligence, but this type of similarity was entirely due to the school that people attended.

Within their local school context, people were no more or less likely to select educated, intelligent, or religious partners.”

However, locality cannot totally explain why birds of a feather flock together — people are on the lookout for something similar, every time.

The study strongly refutes the received notion that opposites attract.

Far from it: opposites repel!

The study was published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (Eastwick al., 2017).

This Emotion Builds Stronger Families — And It Can Be Taught (M)

This simple act can drastically reduce your parenting stress and relationship satisfaction.

This simple act can drastically reduce your parenting stress and relationship satisfaction.

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This Behavioural Pattern Is Incredibly Toxic To Any Relationship

An important sign that a relationship is in trouble.

An important sign that a relationship is in trouble.

One of the most toxic relationship patterns involves ‘the silent treatment’.

Shutting down communication is part of a pattern psychologists call the ‘demand-withdraw’ pattern.

The demand-withdraw pattern frequently happens in relationships when they are distressed.

It involves one partner — often the woman — making demands, while the man withdraws.

Sometimes it happens in the reverse direction but, either way, it is very damaging for a relationship and can be difficult to escape from.

Professor Paul Schrodt, the study’s first author, said:

“It’s the most common pattern of conflict in marriage or any committed, established romantic relationship.

And it does tremendous damage.”

The conclusions come from an analysis of 74 different studies carried out with over 14,000 participants.

The results revealed that couples displaying the demand-withdraw pattern had the lowest relationship satisfaction.

They also reported poorer communication, lower intimacy, higher aggression and anxiety.

Professor Schrodt said:

“Partners get locked in this pattern, largely because they each see the other as the cause.

Both partners see the other as the problem.”

Husbands tend to do the withdrawing, Professor Schrodt explained:

“One of the most important things we found is that even though wife-demand/husband-withdraw occurs more frequently, it’s not more or less damaging.

It’s a real, serious sign of distress in the relationship.”

Escaping demand-withdraw

The best way of dealing with this pattern is by accepting and validating the other person’s identity.

This is done through improving communication.

Men should listen and understand their partner, while women should reduce their negativity and hostility (or, the reverse if the woman is withdrawing).

It is better to bring up issues as neutrally as possible so they can be heard.

When both partners can communicate problems and feel they understand each other, their marital satisfaction is higher.

The study was published in the journal Communication Monographs (Schrodt et al., 2014).

One Word That Could Save Your Relationship

Couples who use this word rate their marriages as higher quality.

Couples who use this word rate their marriages as higher quality.

“Thanks” is the one word that will save your your relationship.

Couples who express gratitude to each other rate their marriages as higher quality, a study has found.

Expressing gratitude also reduces the likelihood of divorce, the researchers found.

Gratitude is particularly powerful at overcoming repetitive arguments.

The key is feeling appreciated by your spouse and acknowledging when they have done something nice for you.

Dr Ted Futris, study co-author, said:

“We found that feeling appreciated and believing that your spouse values you directly influences how you feel about your marriage, how committed you are to it, and your belief that it will last.”

For the study, 468 couples were asked about the quality of their marriages and how they expressed their gratitude to each other.

The results consistently showed the power of gratitude, said Dr Allen Barton, the study’s first author:

“It goes to show the power of ‘thank you’.

Even if a couple is experiencing distress and difficulty in other areas, gratitude in the relationship can help promote positive marital outcomes.”

One particularly dangerous negative pattern is called ‘demand/withdraw’, Dr Barton explains:

“Demand/withdraw communication occurs when one partner tends to demand, nag or criticize, while the other responds by withdrawing or avoiding the confrontation.

Although wife demand/husband withdraw interactions appear more commonly in couples, in the current study we found financial distress was associated with lower marital outcomes through its effects on increasing the total amount of both partners’ demand/withdraw interactions.”

Gratitude was effective at breaking through this negative pattern, said Dr Futris:

“Importantly, we found that when couples are engaging in a negative conflict pattern like demand/withdrawal, expressions of gratitude and appreciation can counteract or buffer the negative effects of this type of interaction on marital stability.”

Dr Futris continued:

“All couples have disagreements and argue.

And, when couples are stressed, they are likely to have more arguments.

What distinguishes the marriages that last from those that don’t is not how often they argue, but how they argue and how they treat each other on a daily basis.”

The study was published in the journal Personal Relationships (Barton et al., 2015).

There’s Something Very Strange Happening To Modern Friendships

Modern societies are often highly mobile, with people moving around for work, school or just to start afresh.

Modern societies are often highly mobile, with people moving around for work, school or just to start afresh.

People in modern societies tend to move home frequently, which is damaging to the nature of their friendships.

Research finds that moving regularly is linked to thinking that friendships and close social ties are more disposable.

Unfortunately, without strong social ties to friends and family it is harder to feel safe and secure.

Similarly, moving around a lot is also linked to the same attitude of disposability towards objects.

Dr Omri Gillath, one of the book’s authors, said:

“We found a correlation between the way you look at objects and perceive your relationships.

If you move around a lot, you develop attitudes of disposability toward objects, furniture, books, devices — basically whatever merchandise you have at home, your car even.”

Modern societies are often highly mobile, with people moving around for work, school or just to start afresh.

The research found that the more people have moved around the country, the more they tend to have a disposable view of both objects and close social ties.

Dr Gillath said:

“This isn’t a new idea of the United States as a mobile country — for many people here, moving up means moving around.

If you’re willing to move for school or a job, you have a higher chance of being successful.

But we’re saying it also makes things superficial and disposable.

It might be fine to have disposable diapers but not disposable friendships.

If you know you’re moving and develop the idea that everything can be replaced, you won’t develop same strong and deep ties.

We’re suggesting this is a broad phenomenon where we all tend to look at relationships to co-workers, friends and social network members as replaceable.

Even in romantic relationships, when I ask my students what would they do when things get difficult, most of them say they would move on rather than try to work things out, or God forbid, turn to a counselor.”

These kinds of attitudes can be psychologically unhealthy, Gillath thinks:

“Research suggests only deeper high-quality ties provide us with the kind of support we need like love, understanding and respect.

You need these very close ties to feel safe and secure and function properly.

If social ties are seen as disposable, you’re less likely to get what you need from your network, which can negatively affect your mental and physical health as well as your longevity.”

The friendship crisis

There’s little doubt that having friends is tremendously good for people.

Those who invest in their friendships experience greater psychological and physical health, particularly among the elderly (Lu et al., 2021).

Despite this, people find it hard to make friends.

Dr William Chopik, an expert on relationships, said:

“In today’s world there’s a general feeling that we’re in a ‘friendship crisis’ in which people are lonely and want friends but struggle to make them.

We show here that they’re beneficial for nearly everyone, everywhere.

But why are they so hard to form and keep?”

It is likely that one of the many answers is that friends are viewed as disposable.

The book is called “Adult Attachment: A Concise Introduction to Theory and Research” (Gillath et al., 2016).

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