Why Positive Mantras Make Some People Feel Worse (M)

Positive mantras like “I am a lovable person” have long been a staple of self-help books. But do they work?

Positive mantras like "I am a lovable person" have long been a staple of self-help books. But do they work?


Keep reading with a membership

• Adverts removed
• Cancel at any time
• 14 day money-back guarantee


Members can sign in below:

How To Maintain Self-Esteem In The Face Of Failure (M)

“It’s not how many times you have had to give up. It is how you felt about the failures.” -Dr Patrick Carroll

"It's not how many times you have had to give up. It is how you felt about the failures." -Dr Patrick Carroll


Keep reading with a membership

• Adverts removed
• Cancel at any time
• 14 day money-back guarantee


Members can sign in below:

The Age When Your Self-Esteem Is Highest

Most people’s self-esteem follows a similar pattern over the years.

Most people’s self-esteem follows a similar pattern over the years.

People’s self-esteem peaks when they hit 60-years-old, research finds.

Indeed, most people find their self-esteem is slowly strengthening over the years, right through from adolescence and into middle adulthood.

In adolescence, people’s self-esteem remains relatively flat, but in childhood, as in adulthood, it generally climbs upwards.

The 20s is usually when people feel the biggests gains to their self-esteem as they become more independent.

After this, the ascent towards peak self-esteem is slow but steady.

This is likely because midlife tends to be a relatively stable period in life.

The results come from almost 200 different studies including 165,000 people from ages four to ninety-four.

The study’s authors explain the results:

“This meta-analysis shows that people’s self-esteem changes in systematic ways over the life course.

On average, self-esteem increases in early and middle childhood, remains constant (but does not decline) in adolescence, increases strongly in young adulthood, continues to increase in middle adulthood, peaks between age 60 and 70 years, and then declines in old age, with a
sharper drop in very old age.

The pattern of findings holds across gender, country, ethnicity, and birth cohort.

Self-esteem was long thought to be unchangeable, just like personality.

But that view has changed, the authors write:

“Self-esteem is by no means an immutable characteristic of individuals.

People experience changes in their self-esteem, both in terms of temporary boosts or drops in their feelings of self-worth and in terms of long-term increases or declines in their general level of self-esteem.

For example, successes at school, work conflicts, or harmonious family events may cause transient fluctuations in self-esteem.

Also, stressful life events, such as a criminal victimization, and life transitions, such as beginning a satisfying romantic relationship, may lead to sustained changes in self-esteem.”

The study was published in the journal Psychological Bulletin (Oorth et al., 2018).

An Upbeat Sign That You Have High Self-Esteem

People with high self-esteem are more likely to do this.

People with high self-esteem are more likely to do this.

People with high self-esteem try harder to get rid of negative emotions, research finds.

Whether it is with comedy, music or exercise, people with higher self-esteem prefer to do battle with their bad moods.

In contrast, people with low self-esteem do not have the motivation to overcome a bad mood and tend to accept their sadness.

Dr Jonathon Brown, one of the study’s authors, explained:

“Many people with low self-esteem believe sadness is part of life and that you shouldn’t try to get rid of it, while people with high self-esteem believe in doing something to feel better if they have a negative experience or get in a bad mood.”

The research involved almost 900 people across five different studies.

The results of the key experiment showed that people with low self-esteem were less likely to try and cheer themselves up when they were in a bad mood.

Only 47 percent of those with low self-esteem chose to watch a comedy video when they were in a bad mood.

This was in comparison to 75 percent of people with high self-esteem.

Dr Brown said:

“People with low-self esteem feel resignation because they question whether anything will help and say ‘I’m not good at breaking or changing a mood.

They also believe sadness is not something you get rid of and that you learn and grow from sadness.

They feel it is not appropriate to try to change a mood.

These are not people who would necessarily go to the movies or shopping to feel better.”

People with low self-esteem, though, can make a change, said Dr Brown:

“If you have low self-esteem, you should actively try to rise above the sadness and learn that you will feel better if you do not passively accept sadness.

You can get better if you remind yourself to do something.

You may have to kick yourself in the butt to go to a movie because it will require a conscious effort rather than something that comes automatically,”

The study was published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (Heimpel et al., 2002).

An Easy Way To Boost Your Self-Esteem

These provide people with a sense of support, connection, meaning and control over their lives.

These provide people with a sense of support, connection, meaning and control over their lives.

Belonging to many groups, whatever they are, is linked to higher self-esteem, research finds.

People who are members of things like sports clubs, religious groups, musical organisations or any other type of group, have higher self-worth.

The results were the same for children, the elderly and even homeless people whether they were in China, Australia or the UK.

Groups provide people with a sense of support, connection, meaning and control over their lives.

Other studies have shown that people who belong to more groups are also happier, healthier and live longer.

Professor Jolanda Jetten, the study’s first author, said:

“This is in our view promising and suggests that boosting group memberships is quite a powerful way to make people feel better about themselves.”

The study compared the number of friends people had with the number of groups they were members of.

The number of friends they had did not predict their self-esteem, but the number of groups did.

Professor Jetten said:

“Groups often have rich value and belief systems, and when we identify with groups, these can provide a lens through which we see the world.”

Self-esteem does not just come from within, said Professor Alexander Haslam, study co-author:

“Rather than fetishizing self-esteem, a much better and probably healthier and more effective strategy is to encourage people to have rich social lives and multiple sources of social engagement.

If you do that, one important by-product will be improved self-esteem, but there will be lots of other benefits too.”

The study was published in the journal PLOS ONE (Jetten et al., 2015).

The Real Reason Narcissists Behave The Way They Do

Classic narcissistic behaviours include exploiting others without guilt, needing constant praise and displaying a sense of entitlement.

Classic narcissistic behaviours include exploiting others without guilt, needing constant praise and displaying a sense of entitlement.

Narcissists behave the way they do because of insecurity and not because they are full of themselves, a study finds.

In fact, people with these tendencies use classic narcissistic behaviours to cover up their low self-worth.

These include exploiting others without guilt, needing constant praise and displaying a sense of entitlement and grandiose self-importance.

Unfortunately for narcissists these behaviours all make others hate them in the long-run and so aggravates their own low self-worth.

Dr Pascal Wallisch, study co-author, said:

“For a long time, it was unclear why narcissists engage in unpleasant behaviors, such as self-congratulation, as it actually makes others think less of them.

This has become quite prevalent in the age of social media — a behavior that’s been coined ‘flexing’

Our work reveals that these narcissists are not grandiose, but rather insecure, and this is how they seem to cope with their insecurities.”

The researchers surveyed almost 300 people, testing them for typical narcissistic behaviours.

People were asked if they agreed with statements like these:

  • “I am likely to show off if I get the chance.”
  • “It matters that I am seen at important events.”
  • “I have exquisite taste.”
  • “I like knowing more than other people.”

These questions access how much people need to manage the impression they give others, the social validation they need, how much they like to raise themselves above others and their social dominance.

The results suggest that genuine narcissists behave the way they do because they are insecure.

Ms Mary Kowalchyk, the study’s first author, said:

“More specifically, the results suggest that narcissism is better understood as a compensatory adaptation to overcome and cover up low self-worth.

Narcissists are insecure, and they cope with these insecurities by flexing.

This makes others like them less in the long run, thus further aggravating their insecurities, which then leads to a vicious cycle of flexing behaviors.”

The researchers looked at two different types of narcissism:

  • Grandiose narcissism: having an overinflated sense of one’s importance.
  • Vulnerable narcissism: this is linked to more anxiety and depression.

Their results suggested that vulnerable narcissists are genuine narcissists.

Meanwhile grandiose narcissists are better seen as a variety of psychopath.

→ Read on: Here are six signs of narcissism and one simple question that identifies a narcissist.

The study was published in the journal Personality and Individual Differences (Kowalchyk et al., 2021).