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Covert Narcissism: Traits, Manipulation Tactics & Coping With It

What is covert narcissism? Discover the subtle traits, warning signs, and how to handle relationships with covert narcissists effectively.

What is Covert Narcissism?

Covert narcissism is a more subtle, insidious form of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) that can be difficult to detect.

Unlike overt narcissists who are more easily recognised due to their grandiose and attention-seeking behaviour, covert narcissists display a more passive and reserved façade.

They may come across as shy, self-effacing, or even insecure, but underneath this veneer, they still harbour the same self-centred traits as their more overt counterparts.

While an overt narcissist will openly demand admiration and validation, the covert narcissist seeks these through indirect means, often using manipulation, passive-aggressiveness, and emotional abuse.

15 Common Signs of a Covert Narcissist

Identifying covert narcissism can be challenging because it doesn’t manifest in obvious ways.

However, there are certain signs to watch out for, many of which are subtle but toxic.

Below are 15 common traits:

Insecurity: Covert narcissists often present themselves as uncertain or lacking confidence. However, this insecurity often masks a deep sense of superiority.
Passive-Aggression: Instead of direct confrontation, covert narcissists resort to passive-aggressive tactics, like sarcasm, silent treatment, or veiled criticisms.
Hypersensitivity to Criticism: Even minor criticism can lead to extreme emotional reactions, as covert narcissists are deeply fragile and insecure.
Procrastination: They may delay tasks that others depend on, showing disregard for the needs of others.
Chronic Envy: No matter how much they achieve or possess, covert narcissists are always envious of others, fixating on what they don’t have.
Self-Deprecation: They may frequently put themselves down, but this is often a manipulative tactic to garner sympathy and reassurance.
Manipulation for Personal Gain: Covert narcissists subtly manipulate situations to ensure they get what they want, often at the expense of others.
Anxiety and Depression: Due to their heightened sensitivity and internal struggles, they are prone to bouts of anxiety and depression.
Superficial Relationships: They often lack the capacity for deep, meaningful relationships, keeping interactions at a surface level.
Blame-Shifting: They rarely accept responsibility for their actions and will frequently blame others for their mistakes or shortcomings.
Attention-Seeking Through Victimhood: Instead of demanding admiration, they seek attention by playing the victim, constantly highlighting their struggles.
Poor Boundaries: Covert narcissists believe their needs are more important, leading them to frequently overstep others’ boundaries.
Difficulty Fitting In: They may struggle in social situations, as their insecurities make it hard for them to connect with others authentically.
False Altruism: While they may appear kind and helpful, their good deeds often have ulterior motives—usually seeking praise and validation.
Fear of Exposure: A covert narcissist’s biggest fear is being exposed for their true nature, leading them to avoid the spotlight or situations where they might be scrutinised.

A covert narcissist may appear humble and quiet, but their manipulative tactics can be just as damaging as those of an overt narcissist.

Covert Narcissist vs. Overt Narcissist: Key Differences

Though both covert and overt narcissists share the same underlying traits—such as grandiosity, lack of empathy, and an inflated sense of self-importance—the way these traits are expressed differs significantly.

Overt narcissists are brash, attention-seeking, and often boastful. They openly demand admiration and expect to be the centre of attention.
Covert narcissists, on the other hand, are more reserved and may come across as shy or self-doubting. Their need for admiration is not overt, but they still crave validation through more subtle, indirect means, such as playing the victim or using passive-aggression to manipulate others.

While overt narcissists are easier to identify due to their flamboyant behaviour, covert narcissists can fly under the radar, making their manipulation all the more harmful.

How Covert Narcissists Manipulate Others Subtly

One of the defining features of covert narcissism is the subtle, yet pervasive manipulation tactics employed to control those around them.

These methods can leave the victim feeling confused, guilty, and questioning their own reality.

Gaslighting: Covert narcissists often distort facts or outright deny things they’ve said or done, causing their victims to doubt their own memories or perceptions.
Playing the Victim: They frequently position themselves as the wronged party, seeking sympathy and validation from others while deflecting blame.
Silent Treatment: This is a common tactic where the covert narcissist will withdraw all communication, leaving the victim feeling isolated and desperate for resolution.
Triangulation: They may involve a third party in conflicts to create a sense of rivalry or to further manipulate the situation.

Covert narcissists are masters at creating confusion and self-doubt in their victims, often leaving them questioning their own sanity.

Protecting Yourself from Emotional Abuse

If you find yourself in a relationship with a covert narcissist, whether it be a romantic partner, family member, or colleague, protecting yourself from their toxic behaviour is essential.

Here are some practical steps you can take:

Set Clear Boundaries: Clearly define what behaviour is and isn’t acceptable, and be prepared to enforce those boundaries.
Limit Engagement: The less you engage in their manipulation, the less power they will have over you. Do not take the bait when they try to provoke you.
Seek Support: Whether through friends, family, or a therapist, having a support network can help you maintain perspective and avoid falling into the trap of self-blame.
Trust Your Instincts: If something feels off, it probably is. Trust your gut and don’t allow the narcissist to make you doubt your own perceptions.

Long-Term Effects of Being in a Relationship with a Covert Narcissist

The emotional and psychological toll of being in a relationship with a covert narcissist can be profound and long-lasting.

Victims may experience:

Low Self-Esteem: Constant manipulation and gaslighting can erode a person’s self-confidence, leaving them feeling worthless and unimportant.
Anxiety and Depression: The emotional strain of dealing with a covert narcissist can lead to significant mental health issues, including chronic anxiety and depression.
Trust Issues: After being manipulated and deceived by a covert narcissist, victims may struggle to trust others, making future relationships difficult.
Trauma Bonding: Some victims may develop a psychological attachment to their abuser, known as trauma bonding, where they feel unable to leave the relationship despite the damage it’s causing.

Living with a covert narcissist can leave long-lasting scars, as their manipulation is often subtle but deeply damaging.

Can Covert Narcissists Change?

A common question asked by those dealing with covert narcissists is whether they can change.

The short answer is: it’s complicated.

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a deeply ingrained condition, and while it is possible for a narcissist to change, it is extremely rare without significant, long-term therapy.

Even then, change is only possible if the narcissist is truly motivated to do so, which is often not the case.

Therapy: A narcissist must be willing to engage in therapy, such as cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), to address their behaviours and learn to empathise with others.
Self-Awareness: Developing self-awareness is crucial for change, but many narcissists lack this capability or refuse to acknowledge their toxic behaviours.

For most people dealing with covert narcissists, the best course of action is to protect themselves by setting boundaries and limiting engagement.

What Is Social Loafing? Causes, Examples, And How To Prevent It

Social loafing leads to decreased group productivity. Learn how to address this issue with simple strategies to boost accountability and performance.

What is social loafing?

Social loafing is a psychological phenomenon where individuals tend to exert less effort when they work in a group compared to when they work alone.

This tendency to “loaf” is typically seen when individuals feel that their contributions are less identifiable or crucial to the group’s success.

The term originated from studies in social psychology, with the most famous being the Ringelmann experiment in the early 20th century, which found that people pulled less hard on a rope when in a group than when they were alone.

Later studies, such as those by Latané et al. (1979), further developed the concept, suggesting that the reduction in effort is due to both coordination loss and motivation loss.

Coordination loss happens when individuals in a group fail to effectively align their efforts, while motivation loss occurs when individuals do not feel motivated to put in their best effort because others are sharing the workload.

Causes of Social Loafing

Social loafing doesn’t happen randomly.

Several factors contribute to why people may work less hard when part of a group.

Understanding these causes is essential to identifying and combating social loafing in various environments, including the workplace and educational settings.

1. Diffusion of Responsibility

One of the primary causes of social loafing is the diffusion of responsibility. When people work in groups, they often feel that their individual efforts are less important because the group as a whole is responsible for the outcome. This perception of shared responsibility diminishes personal accountability.
Example: In large group projects, individuals may feel their contributions will go unnoticed and that others will pick up the slack.

2. Group Size

The larger the group, the more likely individuals are to loaf. As group size increases, individual contributions tend to become less visible, leading to a reduction in effort. People in smaller groups are more likely to feel that their effort makes a difference.
Example: A group of two will likely show more individual effort than a group of ten, where it’s easier to blend into the background.

3. Lack of Accountability

When tasks are not clearly assigned or when individual performance is not monitored, social loafing is more likely to occur. Without accountability, individuals can engage in the task with minimal effort, knowing their specific contribution won’t be assessed.
Example: If in a work setting, team members are not held accountable for their specific parts of a project, they are more likely to underperform.

4. Low Motivation or Interest

Social loafing can occur when individuals are not motivated by the task at hand. If someone feels indifferent toward the task, they may not feel compelled to give their full effort, especially when they perceive the group will compensate for their lack of input.
Example: In an educational group project, students who find the subject boring may be more inclined to slack off, knowing that others might do the work.

Impact on Team Dynamics

Social loafing can have detrimental effects on team dynamics, leading to frustration and lower overall performance.

This can be particularly problematic in work environments where team collaboration is crucial for success.

1. Lower Productivity

One of the most obvious consequences of social loafing is lower productivity. When members of a group fail to give their best effort, the overall output of the team is compromised. Productivity decreases even further when more members begin to loaf.
Example: In a team of five working on a business proposal, if two members start contributing less, the project could fall behind or lack in quality.

2. Team Conflicts

Social loafing often leads to resentment among team members, particularly those who are contributing more than their fair share. This resentment can quickly escalate into team conflicts, with some members feeling that others are not pulling their weight.
Example: If one person consistently does most of the work, they may become frustrated with their colleagues, causing tension and breakdowns in communication.

3. Burnout

In situations where some individuals are putting in more effort to compensate for social loafers, there’s a high risk of burnout. Over time, these individuals may become exhausted and disengaged, which can lead to decreased productivity and higher turnover rates.
Example: In a work environment, if one or two team members consistently carry the bulk of the workload, they may burn out and seek employment elsewhere.

How to Prevent Social Loafing

Reducing social loafing requires intentional strategies from both team leaders and members.

By implementing specific practices, organisations and teams can encourage higher levels of engagement and individual accountability.

1. Break Down Large Groups into Smaller Teams

Smaller groups make it more difficult for individuals to hide behind the collective effort. Each person’s contribution becomes more noticeable, which encourages everyone to put in a fair share of effort.
Example: In a company setting, rather than assigning a project to a group of ten, break them into smaller teams of three or four for better results.

2. Clarify Roles and Responsibilities

Clearly defining individual roles and tasks reduces the ambiguity that often leads to social loafing. When people know exactly what they’re responsible for, they are more likely to feel accountable for their contributions.
Example: Before starting a group project, assign specific tasks to each team member and outline the expected outcomes for each person.

3. Regular Feedback and Performance Reviews

Holding regular check-ins where individual progress is reviewed can help prevent social loafing. Knowing that their performance will be evaluated pushes team members to stay engaged.
Example: A manager can meet weekly with each team member to discuss their contributions and provide feedback, creating a culture of accountability.

4. Encourage Group Cohesion

Teams that have strong interpersonal bonds are less likely to experience social loafing. When people feel connected to their team members, they are more inclined to contribute fully to group tasks.
Example: Companies can organise team-building activities to foster a sense of camaraderie and collaboration within teams.

5. Increase Task Importance

Studies have shown that when people think the task is important they do less loafing.
Example: Zacarro (1984) found that groups constructing ‘moon tents’ (don’t ask me!) worked harder if they thought the relevance of the task was high, thought they were in competition with another group and were encouraged to think the task was attractive.

6. Boost Group Importance

When the group is important to its members they work harder.
Example: Worchel et al. (1998) had people building paper chains in two groups, one which had name tags, matching coats and a sense of competition. Compared to a group given none of these, they produced 5 more paper chains.

Social Loafing in Remote and Virtual Teams

The rise of remote work and virtual teams has presented new challenges in managing social loafing.

Without the physical presence of others, it can be harder to monitor team members’ contributions.

1. Why Virtual Teams are Prone to Social Loafing

In virtual teams, there’s often less oversight, and it can be easy for individuals to appear busy without actually contributing much. The lack of direct supervision and casual social interaction may exacerbate social loafing.
Example: A remote worker may be less inclined to engage in a project if they believe their efforts aren’t being closely monitored.

2. Strategies for Managing Social Loafing in Virtual Teams

Use project management software to track individual contributions.
Hold regular video meetings to maintain personal connections and accountability.
Create smaller virtual sub-teams for specific tasks to encourage active participation.

Psychological Insights and Cultural Differences

The extent to which individuals engage in social loafing can vary based on personality traits and cultural background.

1. Personality Traits

Studies have shown that individuals high in conscientiousness and agreeableness are less likely to engage in social loafing. In contrast, those who score low in these traits may be more inclined to contribute less in group settings.
Example: A highly conscientious person may feel morally obligated to contribute fully to a project, while someone less conscientious may feel more comfortable shirking responsibility.

2. Cultural Variations

Research indicates that social loafing is less prevalent in collectivist cultures, where the emphasis is on the group’s success rather than individual achievement. In contrast, individualist cultures tend to exhibit higher levels of social loafing.
Example: In a workplace setting, team members from collectivist cultures may be more committed to group tasks, as they place a higher value on the group’s success.

Conclusion

Social loafing is a common phenomenon that can significantly impact team performance, productivity, and morale.

However, with the right strategies, it can be mitigated.

By fostering accountability, clarifying roles, and encouraging team cohesion, organisations can reduce the likelihood of social loafing and create more effective, high-performing teams.

How To Identify The Signs Of Narcissism And Protect Yourself

Discover the key signs of narcissism, from grandiosity to lack of empathy, and learn to recognise narcissistic behaviour in relationships.

Understanding the signs of narcissism can help you navigate relationships with narcissists and protect yourself from emotional harm.

Narcissism is more than just self-obsession or vanity.

It’s a complex personality disorder characterised by an inflated sense of self-importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy.

What is Narcissism?

At its core, narcissism refers to an excessive focus on oneself.

While many people may exhibit narcissistic traits at some point in their lives, narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a more severe, chronic condition.

Individuals with NPD often struggle with maintaining healthy relationships and may be unaware of how their behaviour affects others.

Key Features of Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Grandiosity – an exaggerated sense of self-importance
Need for admiration – craving constant attention and praise
Lack of empathy – difficulty understanding or caring about others’ feelings
Entitlement – expecting special treatment or believing they deserve more than others
Exploitative behaviour – using others to achieve personal goals
Arrogance – acting superior to others in both attitude and behaviour

Early Warning Signs of Narcissism

Narcissistic traits may not be immediately obvious, but certain early behaviours can signal deeper issues.

Recognising these signs early can help you protect yourself before the relationship becomes more toxic.

Subtle Early Behaviours to Watch For:

Constant need for validation – they frequently seek compliments or affirmation.
Self-centred conversations – they always steer conversations back to themselves.
Dismissive of others’ opinions – they tend to ignore, belittle, or brush off the perspectives of others.
Frequent boasting – they boast excessively about their achievements or status.
Lack of accountability – they avoid taking responsibility for mistakes or failures.

Key Signs of Narcissism

As narcissistic behaviour intensifies, several hallmark signs become more apparent.

These behaviours tend to undermine healthy relationships and cause emotional harm to those around them.

Grandiosity and a Sense of Superiority

Narcissists have an exaggerated sense of self-importance and believe they are superior to others.

They often expect others to treat them as special or more important than anyone else.

Lack of Empathy

One of the most troubling signs of narcissism is a lack of empathy.

Narcissists struggle to connect emotionally with others and have difficulty understanding or caring about others’ feelings.

Exploitative Behaviour

Narcissists often view people as tools to achieve their own goals.

They may manipulate or exploit others to get what they want, without any regard for the other person’s feelings or needs.

Arrogance and Entitlement

Narcissists believe they deserve the best of everything and often become frustrated or angry if they don’t get what they want.

This sense of entitlement leads them to expect special treatment from others.

Envy of Others

Narcissists are frequently envious of others and believe others are envious of them.

They constantly compare themselves to others and feel threatened by the success or happiness of others.

Types of Narcissism

While narcissism may manifest differently from person to person, it can generally be divided into distinct types.

Grandiose Narcissism

This is the most recognisable form of narcissism, often characterised by arrogance, exaggerated self-importance, and a relentless pursuit of admiration.

Grandiose narcissists display a high level of confidence and seek dominance in every interaction.

They often believe they are superior to others and crave validation, using manipulation and charm to get what they want.

Key traits: arrogance, entitlement, lack of empathy, and exploitative behaviour.

Vulnerable Narcissism

In contrast to the grandiose type, vulnerable narcissists are more introverted and insecure.

They may exhibit narcissistic traits as a defence mechanism to protect themselves from perceived rejection or inadequacy.

These individuals often feel unappreciated or victimised, leading to hypersensitivity to criticism and an underlying sense of fragility.

Key traits: hypersensitivity, low self-esteem, social withdrawal, and feelings of inadequacy.

Malignant Narcissism

This form combines traits of narcissism with antisocial behaviour and is considered the most dangerous.

Malignant narcissists not only seek admiration but also display tendencies for manipulation, aggression, and a lack of remorse.

Their behaviour can be abusive and harmful to those around them, driven by a need for power and control over others.

Key traits: aggression, sadism, manipulativeness, and a lack of remorse.

Covert Narcissism

Covert narcissists, also known as closet narcissists, are less overt in their behaviour but still possess many of the classic traits of narcissism.

They may appear shy, self-deprecating, or introverted but harbour deep feelings of grandiosity.

This type is often difficult to spot because they hide their narcissism behind a mask of humility or even insecurity.

Key traits: passive-aggressiveness, sensitivity to criticism, hidden feelings of superiority.

Narcissism in Relationships

Narcissistic behaviours can cause significant damage in personal relationships.

Whether it’s a romantic partner, a family member, or a friend, dealing with a narcissist can leave you feeling drained and emotionally bruised.

Common Relationship Dynamics with Narcissists:

Lack of emotional connection – narcissists struggle to form deep, meaningful connections.
Manipulation and control – they often use manipulation to control others and maintain power in relationships.
Blame-shifting – they rarely accept fault and will often blame others for problems.
Emotional abuse – narcissists may engage in subtle or overt forms of emotional abuse, leaving their partners feeling confused and hurt.

Causes and Risk Factors

The exact cause of narcissism is not fully understood, but several factors can contribute to the development of narcissistic traits or NPD.

Potential Causes:

Genetics – some studies suggest that narcissistic traits may have a genetic component.
Childhood experiences – overly critical or overly adoring parenting may contribute to narcissistic traits.
Environmental factors – societal pressures and cultural norms that emphasise competition and success can also influence narcissistic behaviours.

How to Protect Yourself from Narcissistic Behaviour

Navigating a relationship with a narcissist can be challenging, but there are steps you can take to protect your emotional well-being.

Practical Strategies for Coping:

Set firm boundaries – be clear about what behaviour is unacceptable and enforce boundaries consistently.
Limit emotional engagement – try not to get emotionally invested in their manipulative tactics.
Seek support – whether through therapy or supportive relationships, having a network to lean on can help you navigate difficult situations.

When to Seek Professional Help

If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist and it’s affecting your mental health, it may be time to seek professional help.

Narcissistic personality disorder can be difficult to manage without proper treatment, and therapy can help you develop strategies to protect your mental well-being.

Signs You May Need Professional Support:

You’re feeling overwhelmed by the narcissist’s behaviour.
You struggle to set and maintain boundaries.
The relationship is negatively affecting your self-esteem or mental health.

The Ultimate Guide To Mindfulness Exercises

Looking for effective mindfulness exercises? Explore simple techniques to calm your mind, reduce anxiety, and live more in the present moment.

What Are Mindfulness Exercises?

Mindfulness exercises are practical methods designed to increase awareness and presence in the moment.

These techniques are grounded in meditation traditions but are now widely used in therapeutic and wellness settings.

Benefits of Mindfulness

Mindfulness has been shown to:

reduce depression and pain by promoting a sense of calm and relaxation.
accelerate cognition by reducing mental clutter,
increase creativity,
cultivate self-awareness, leading to a more balanced and intentional way of living.
improve emotional regulation, helping individuals respond to challenges with greater ease.
debias the mind and much more.

Top 5 Mindfulness Exercises for Beginners

1. Mindful Breathing

Mindful breathing is one of the simplest and most accessible forms of mindfulness.

It helps centre the mind and body by focusing solely on the act of breathing.

This technique can be practised anytime and anywhere, making it ideal for beginners.

Instructions:
- Sit or lie down in a comfortable position.
- Breathe deeply through your nose, noticing the sensation of air entering your lungs.
- Exhale slowly through your mouth, paying attention to the feeling of release.
- When your mind wanders, gently bring your focus back to your breath.

Mindful breathing is a powerful way to manage stress and refocus the mind, even during busy moments.

2. Body Scan Meditation

The body scan meditation is designed to cultivate awareness of physical sensations throughout the body.

It’s an excellent way to release tension and reconnect with yourself.

Instructions:
- Lie down on your back with your arms at your sides.
- Begin by focusing on your toes. Notice any sensations, tension, or discomfort.
- Slowly move your attention upward, scanning each part of your body in turn.
- Acknowledge each sensation without judgement, and if possible, release any tension as you exhale.

This meditation not only promotes relaxation but also encourages mindfulness of your physical state, helping you become more attuned to your body’s needs.

3. Five Senses Exercise

The Five Senses Exercise helps ground you in the present moment by engaging your senses.

It’s a quick, effective way to manage stress or anxiety when you feel overwhelmed.

Instructions:
- Notice five things you can see around you. Focus on details you might normally overlook.
- Identify four things you can feel, such as the texture of your clothes or the warmth of your hands.
- Listen for three things you can hear, whether it’s a distant sound or your own breathing.
- Notice two scents around you, even if they’re subtle.
- Finally, become aware of one thing you can taste. This could be the lingering flavour of a drink or the taste in your mouth.

By focusing on your sensory experience, this exercise helps shift your attention away from racing thoughts and into the present.

4. Sitting Meditation

Sitting meditation is a classic mindfulness exercise that involves paying attention to your breath and posture while allowing thoughts to come and go without attachment.

Instructions:
- Sit in a comfortable position with your back straight and hands resting in your lap.
- Close your eyes and breathe deeply, focusing on the rise and fall of your breath.
- When thoughts, feelings, or physical sensations arise, simply observe them without judgement and return your attention to your breath.

This form of meditation is excellent for cultivating a sense of calm and equanimity, as it trains the mind to observe rather than react to distractions.

5. Walking Meditation

Walking meditation combines mindfulness with movement. It is particularly useful for those who find it difficult to sit still for long periods.

Instructions:
- Find a quiet space where you can walk slowly and without distraction.
- As you walk, focus on the sensation of your feet making contact with the ground.
- Pay attention to the rhythm of your breath and the movements of your body as you walk.
- If your mind wanders, gently bring your attention back to the act of walking.

Walking meditation helps create a sense of groundedness and can be especially beneficial when practised in nature.

Incorporating Mindfulness Into Daily Routines

Mindfulness doesn’t have to be restricted to formal meditation sessions.

By integrating mindfulness into daily activities, you can cultivate a greater sense of awareness throughout your day.

Mindful Eating

Eating mindfully can turn an everyday activity into an opportunity to practise presence.

It involves slowing down and fully engaging your senses while eating.

Focus on the flavours, textures, and smells of each bite.
Chew slowly and pause between bites to savour the experience.
Notice the sensations of hunger and fullness without judgement.

Mindful eating can help you develop a healthier relationship with food by encouraging greater awareness of what and how you eat.

Mindful Movement

Movement-based mindfulness exercises, such as yoga, tai chi, or simple stretching, allow you to connect with your body and become more attuned to its sensations.

As you move, focus on the way your muscles contract and release.
Notice the flow of your breath in sync with your movements.
Pay attention to the alignment of your body and how it feels in different positions.

By bringing mindfulness into your movement, you can reduce stress, enhance flexibility, and improve your overall sense of well-being.

Mindful Listening

Mindful listening involves giving your full attention to another person when they are speaking.

This practice can improve communication and deepen relationships.

Maintain eye contact and minimise distractions.
Listen without forming a response or judgement.
Take a moment to reflect before speaking, ensuring that your response is thoughtful and considerate.

Practising mindful listening helps you become more present in conversations and fosters empathy and understanding.

Advanced Mindfulness Techniques

For those looking to deepen their practice, advanced mindfulness exercises provide greater challenge and opportunity for self-exploration.

Observer Meditation

The Observer Meditation encourages you to step back from your thoughts and emotions and observe them from a distance.

This exercise helps you develop a sense of detachment from your internal experiences.

Visualise yourself sitting or standing from an outsider’s perspective.
Watch your thoughts as if they are passing clouds, without engaging with them.
Acknowledge your emotions, but do not identify with them.

By practising this exercise, you can cultivate a greater sense of peace and self-awareness.

Loving-Kindness Meditation

Loving-Kindness Meditation involves directing positive thoughts and feelings toward yourself and others.

This exercise is designed to cultivate compassion, empathy, and emotional warmth.

Sit quietly and focus on your breath.
Bring to mind someone you care about, and silently repeat phrases like, “May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you be free from suffering.”
Gradually expand these wishes to include yourself, acquaintances, and even people you find difficult.

Loving-kindness meditation is a powerful way to develop compassion and kindness, both for yourself and others.

Mindfulness Exercises for Specific Groups

Mindfulness can be adapted for different age groups and needs, making it accessible to everyone from children to adults dealing with anxiety or stress.

Mindfulness for Children and Teens

Teaching mindfulness to children and teenagers can help them develop emotional regulation and improve their focus.

These exercises are often made more playful to engage younger individuals.

Superhero Senses: Encourage children to use their “super senses” to notice their surroundings with heightened awareness.
The Raisin Exercise: Have children hold a small piece of fruit or food and explore its texture, smell, and taste, as if encountering it for the first time.

These activities help children learn to focus on the present moment in a way that is fun and engaging.

Mindfulness for Anxiety and Stress Relief

Mindfulness is an effective tool for managing anxiety and stress.

It encourages individuals to observe their thoughts and feelings without becoming overwhelmed by them.

Use breathing exercises to calm the mind when anxious thoughts arise.
Practise body scan meditation to release physical tension associated with stress.
The Five Senses Exercise is particularly effective for grounding yourself in the present when feeling overwhelmed.

By regularly practising mindfulness, those dealing with anxiety can learn to respond to their emotions with greater calm and clarity.

The Science Behind Mindfulness

The benefits of mindfulness are supported by a growing body of scientific research. Studies have shown that regular mindfulness practice can:

Reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression: Mindfulness helps individuals manage negative thoughts and emotions more effectively.
Improve attention and focus: Mindfulness training has been shown to increase cognitive control and improve working memory.
Enhance emotional regulation: Mindfulness enables individuals to respond to emotional challenges with greater composure and balance.
Improve overall well-being: Practising mindfulness fosters a sense of contentment and satisfaction by increasing self-awareness and reducing stress.

How Long Does It Really Take To Form A New Habit?

Wondering how long it takes to form a habit? Science shows it can take between 18 and 66 days. Learn how to make new behaviours stick!

The common belief that it takes 21 days to form a habit is a myth.

While this idea has persisted over time, it was originally based on observations made by Dr Maxwell Maltz in the 1960s.

He noticed that his patients took around three weeks to adjust to changes after surgery.

However, this was never intended to be a scientifically proven timeline for habit formation.

In reality, the time it takes to form a habit varies greatly.

According to a 2009 study by Dr Phillippa Lally, the average time to make a behaviour automatic is 66 days, but this can range anywhere from 18 to 254 days (Lally et al., 2009).

The length of time depends on several factors including the complexity of the habit, individual differences, and how consistently the behaviour is practiced.

Factors that affect how long it takes to form a habit

Complexity of the Habit: Simpler habits, like drinking water every morning, are quicker to form compared to more involved behaviours like daily exercise or meditation routines.
Consistency and Repetition: The more consistently you perform the action, the faster it will become ingrained. Missing too many days can slow down the process of making the behaviour automatic.
Personal Differences: Each person is different. Your personality, environment, and even your mindset can impact how long it takes for a habit to form. For example, someone with a structured lifestyle may find it easier to incorporate new behaviours than someone with a more unpredictable schedule.

Why the 21-day myth persists

Despite scientific evidence showing that habit formation can take much longer than 21 days, this myth continues to be widespread.

One reason is its simplicity.

The idea that anyone can form a life-changing habit in just three weeks is appealing, especially in the realm of self-help and personal development.

However, the persistence of this myth can be discouraging when people don’t see immediate results.

Can you form a habit faster? Expert tips for accelerating the process

While there’s no shortcut to developing long-lasting habits, you can use certain strategies to build them more efficiently:

Start small: Trying to make drastic changes quickly often leads to failure. Instead, begin with manageable actions. For instance, if you want to build a workout routine, start with a few minutes of exercise each day and gradually increase the time.
Use triggers and cues: Tie your new habit to an existing one or a specific time of day. For example, if you want to start meditating, do it right after brushing your teeth in the morning.
Track your progress: Keeping track of your progress, whether through a habit tracker or journaling, can keep you motivated. It also helps you see how far you’ve come, which can push you to keep going.
Reward yourself: Incorporating positive reinforcement is key to maintaining motivation. Rewarding yourself, even with small things, can reinforce your new behaviour.

How to recover when you miss a day in your habit-building journey

It’s normal to slip up when building a habit, but this doesn’t mean you’ve failed.

The key is to avoid letting one missed day turn into a pattern.

Research shows that missing a single day doesn’t significantly impact the long-term success of habit formation.

Instead of getting discouraged, focus on resuming your habit as soon as possible.

Acknowledge the setback: Recognize that missing a day is part of the process and doesn’t define your overall progress.
Get back on track immediately: The longer you wait to get back into your routine, the harder it will be. Restart as soon as possible.
Use your mistake as a learning opportunity: Identify what caused the slip-up and create a plan to avoid similar situations in the future.

Habits vs. routines: what’s the difference?

While habits and routines are often used interchangeably, they are slightly different:

Habits are behaviours you perform almost automatically. For example, brushing your teeth before bed may require little conscious thought.
Routines are a series of actions you do regularly, but they require more deliberate effort. For example, following a morning workout schedule or preparing meals for the week.

Understanding this distinction can help you set more realistic goals.

Instead of expecting a new behaviour to become fully automatic, be prepared to practice it consciously for a while before it feels effortless.

The benefits of building good habits

Despite the time and effort required, forming healthy habits offers numerous benefits:

Reduced mental effort: Once a habit is formed, it becomes automatic, requiring less cognitive effort to maintain, freeing up mental energy for other tasks.
Improved well-being: Positive habits, such as regular exercise or mindfulness, can boost both physical and mental health.
Increased productivity: Good habits streamline your day-to-day life, allowing you to reach personal and professional goals more efficiently.

Real-life examples: How long it took to form these habits

Here are some real-life examples of how long it took different individuals to form habits:

Drinking water in the morning: This is a simple habit that many people report forming within 30 days due to its low complexity.
Exercising regularly: A more complex habit, like incorporating exercise into daily life, often takes around two to three months to become automatic.
Meditation practice: For many, making meditation a daily habit can take anywhere from two to six months, depending on consistency and personal commitment.

Conclusion: How long should you stick with a habit?

While there’s no universal answer to how long it takes to form a habit, aiming for 66 days of consistent practice is a good starting point.

Whether it takes you 18 days or 254 days, the key is persistence.

Even if progress seems slow, the benefits of long-lasting habits — from improved health to reduced mental effort — are well worth the effort.

In the end, the timeline matters less than your ability to stay committed and adapt your approach as needed.

Simple repetition is the key to hacking your brain to form solid habits.
8 ways to stop biting your nails.

Psychopaths In Everyday Life: How To Spot The Subtle Signs

Learn the key signs of a psychopath, from manipulative behaviour to a lack of empathy, and protect yourself from emotional harm.

What is a psychopath?

A psychopath is a person who exhibits a set of distinct personality traits, often characterised by a lack of empathy, manipulative behaviour, and a propensity for impulsivity and risk-taking.

Psychopathy is typically classified as a personality disorder, commonly linked with antisocial behaviour and a disregard for societal norms and rules.

While psychopaths are frequently portrayed in media as violent criminals, the reality is that many psychopaths operate under the radar, functioning in everyday life without being easily detected.

One of the most challenging aspects of dealing with a psychopath is that they can appear completely normal or even charming at first glance.

Psychopaths are adept at hiding their true nature, often masking their lack of empathy and manipulative tendencies with a veneer of normalcy.

Understanding the core traits of psychopathy can help in identifying and managing interactions with individuals who exhibit these characteristics.

Core traits of a psychopath

Lack of empathy and remorse.
Manipulative and deceptive behaviour.
Grandiose sense of self-worth.
Shallow emotions and superficial charm.

One of the primary traits of a psychopath is their complete lack of empathy.

They are incapable of understanding or caring about the feelings of others, even when those people are close friends or family members.

This lack of empathy extends to all areas of their lives, making it difficult for them to form genuine emotional connections.

Psychopaths are also highly manipulative and deceitful, using lies and charm to control others and get what they want.

They often engage in manipulative behaviour without guilt or remorse, seeing others as tools to be used for their own benefit.

Their grandiose sense of self-worth further complicates matters, as psychopaths typically believe they are superior to those around them.

This inflated ego can lead to a sense of entitlement, making them more likely to exploit or harm others without feeling any guilt.

While psychopaths can mimic emotions such as happiness or sadness, these feelings are often shallow and self-serving.

They use emotional displays as a means of manipulation rather than experiencing genuine emotions.

Behavioural indicators

Impulsivity and risk-taking.
Parasitic lifestyle.
Repeated criminal or antisocial behaviour.
Early behavioural problems and childhood signs.

Beyond their personality traits, psychopaths often exhibit specific behavioural patterns that can serve as warning signs.

One of these is impulsivity, which manifests in a tendency to act without thinking of the consequences.

Psychopaths are known for their risky behaviour, whether it involves breaking the law, engaging in reckless financial decisions, or taking physical risks.

Their impulsivity is often coupled with a lack of long-term goals, as they prefer immediate gratification over planning for the future.

Another common behavioural trait is a parasitic lifestyle, where the psychopath relies on others for financial support or resources without giving anything in return.

They may move from one person to another, exploiting friends, family, or romantic partners for as long as they are useful.

Psychopaths also have a tendency to engage in antisocial behaviour, including criminal activities.

While not all psychopaths are violent, many do engage in acts that violate societal rules, such as theft, fraud, or physical aggression.

Their criminal behaviour often escalates over time, and they are frequently unconcerned about the consequences of their actions.

Additionally, many psychopaths exhibit behavioural problems in childhood, which can include lying, stealing, cruelty to animals, or destructive tendencies.

These early signs can be a precursor to more severe antisocial behaviour in adulthood.

Psychopaths in everyday life

Psychopaths succeed in areas that reward ambition, ruthlessness, and manipulation.
They undermine colleagues.
The exploit personal relationships.

While the media often portrays psychopaths as violent criminals, many psychopaths function in everyday life without engaging in overtly criminal behaviour.

In fact, it is not uncommon for psychopaths to be highly successful in certain environments, particularly those that reward ambition, ruthlessness, and manipulation.

In personal relationships, psychopaths can be incredibly damaging due to their inability to form genuine emotional bonds.

They may charm their way into someone’s life, only to later exploit or harm that person without any feelings of remorse.

The lack of empathy and emotional connection can leave their partners or friends feeling confused, hurt, and betrayed.

In work environments, psychopaths can also cause significant harm.

They may undermine colleagues, manipulate superiors, or create a toxic environment through their need for control and power.

Despite these destructive tendencies, psychopaths often maintain an image of competence and charm, making it difficult for others to recognise their true nature.

Being aware of these more subtle signs of psychopathy can help in identifying and protecting oneself from potential harm.

Psychopathy across the spectrum

Not all psychopaths exhibit the same behaviours or traits, and psychopathy can manifest differently depending on the individual.

Some psychopaths are violent criminals who engage in overtly antisocial behaviour, while others may function in high-level corporate positions.

Corporate psychopaths often rise to positions of power within organisations, where their manipulative and ruthless traits are viewed as leadership qualities.

In these settings, their lack of empathy and willingness to exploit others may give them an advantage over those who are more emotionally attuned or ethical.

While these individuals may not engage in criminal activity, their behaviour can still cause harm to others, whether through manipulation, unethical business practices, or the creation of toxic work environments.

On the other end of the spectrum, criminal psychopaths are more likely to engage in behaviours that violate the law.

This can include anything from financial fraud to physical violence, and their disregard for societal rules makes them dangerous.

Despite the differences in their behaviour, the core traits of psychopathy—manipulation, lack of empathy, impulsivity, and grandiosity—are consistent across the spectrum.

Understanding this variability is crucial for identifying psychopathy in different contexts, from personal relationships to professional settings.

Protecting yourself

Set clear boundaries when dealing with a psychopath.
Avoid getting emotionally involved with a psychopath.
Maintain a professional distance from a psychopath at work.

If you suspect you are dealing with a psychopath, there are steps you can take to protect yourself.

One of the most important things is to recognise their manipulation tactics, which often involve charm, deceit, and emotional manipulation.

Psychopaths are skilled at using people to achieve their goals, and they may seem incredibly charismatic or helpful at first.

However, once they have gained your trust, they may begin to exploit you for their own benefit.

Setting clear boundaries is crucial when dealing with a psychopath, especially in personal relationships.

It is important to avoid becoming emotionally entangled with them, as they are unlikely to form genuine emotional connections and are more likely to cause harm.

In work environments, it is important to remain professional and document any interactions that seem manipulative or unethical.

Psychopaths may attempt to undermine your work or manipulate others against you, so maintaining clear communication and professional distance can help protect you.

By understanding their tactics and taking steps to protect yourself, you can limit the potential damage that a psychopath may cause in your life.

Understanding the causes

Genetic and environmental factors.
The neuroscience behind psychopathy.

The causes of psychopathy are complex and are thought to involve a combination of genetic, environmental, and neurological factors.

Research suggests that abnormalities in brain structure, particularly in areas related to empathy and emotional regulation, may contribute to psychopathic traits.

In addition to biological factors, early childhood experiences also play a role in the development of psychopathy.

Children who experience neglect, abuse, or a lack of parental attachment are at higher risk of developing psychopathic traits later in life.

While there is still much to learn about the exact causes of psychopathy, understanding these contributing factors can help in identifying potential early signs.

It is important to note that while psychopathy is a personality disorder, not all individuals with psychopathic traits engage in criminal or violent behaviour.

Some may lead relatively normal lives, functioning in society without causing significant harm to others.

However, the lack of empathy, manipulation, and impulsivity that characterise psychopathy make it a challenging disorder to treat.

Therapy and intervention can be helpful in managing some behaviours, but there is no known cure for psychopathy.

By understanding the underlying causes and the ways in which psychopathy manifests, it becomes easier to identify and navigate relationships with individuals who exhibit these traits.