Brain Scans Can Predict Marital Satisfaction (M)

The brains of happier couples are active in the same areas at the same time.

The brains of happier couples are active in the same areas at the same time.


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90% Of People Keep These Little Secrets From Their Partners (M)

These secrets, though, made people feel guilty and motivated them to invest more in their relationship.

These secrets, though, made people feel guilty and motivated them to invest more in their relationship.


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Spending Money Makes You Happier When It Fits Your Personality (M)

Spending money so that it increases your happiness and wellbeing is an art form in itself.

Spending money so that it increases your happiness and wellbeing is an art form in itself.


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What Namibian Nomads Can Teach Us About Relationships (M)

People say they want someone more attractive than themselves, but this is not the key to a successful relationship.

People say they want someone more attractive than themselves, but this is not the key to a successful relationship.


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The Most Important Factor In Romantic Attraction Is Not What You Think

One factor many says is important makes relatively little difference to romantic attraction between college students.

One factor many says is important makes relatively little difference to romantic attraction between college students.


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The Healthiest Personality Trait In A Partner

This personality trait increases the odds of reaching 85-years-old by up to 70 percent.

This personality trait increases the odds of reaching 85-years-old by up to 70 percent.

Optimism is one of the healthiest traits to have in a partner, research finds.

People married to an optimistic person have a reduced risk of dementia and cognitive decline.

Similarly, optimistic people themselves tend to live a longer life.

Indeed, being optimistic can increase the odds of reaching 85-years-old by up to 70 percent.

Critically, optimists believe they can control their lives and make improvements.

While optimism is partly genetic and related to upbringing and circumstances, there is evidence to show it can be cultivated.

Exercises such as visualising your ‘best possible self‘ have been shown to increase optimism.

Dr William Chopik, study co-author, said:

“We spend a lot of time with our partners.

They might encourage us to exercise, eat healthier or remind us to take our medicine.

When your partner is optimistic and healthy, it can translate to similar outcomes in your own life.

You actually do experience a rosier future by living longer and staving off cognitive illnesses.”

The conclusions come from a study of 4,457 couples who were tracked for up to eight years.

Dr Chopik explained the results:

“We found that when you look at the risk factors for what predicts things like Alzheimer’s disease or dementia, a lot of them are things like living a healthy lifestyle.

Maintaining a healthy weight and physical activity are large predictors.

There are some physiological markers as well.

It looks like people who are married to optimists tend to score better on all of those metrics.”

Optimistic people tend to create a healthier environment at home, said Dr Chopik:

“There’s a sense where optimists lead by example, and their partners follow their lead.

While there’s some research on people being jealous of their partner’s good qualities or on having bad reactions to someone trying to control you, it is balanced with other research that shows being optimistic is associated with perceiving your relationship in a positive light.”

Dr Chopik said people can become more optimistic if they want to change:

“There are studies that show people have the power to change their personalities, as long as they engage in things that make them change.

Part of it is wanting to change.

There are also intervention programs that suggest you can build up optimism.”

Conscientiousness

Along with being optimistic, studies also show that having a highly conscientious partner leads to more stable and healthier relationships.

People who are conscientious are more careful, efficient and self-disciplined — and they aim for achievement.

Indeed, conscientious people tend to live longer themselves.

Highly conscientious people live an average of two to four years longer than their less self-disciplined peers.

They are also less likely to smoke or drink and experience lower levels of stress.

The study was published in the Journal of Personality (Oh et al., 2019).

This Is The Most Attractive Quality In A Friend

Narcissists tend to make friends quickly, but often find it hard to keep them because they lack a critical quality.

Narcissists tend to make friends quickly, but often find it hard to keep them because they lack a critical quality.

Narcissists attract others at first, but it’s emotional intelligence that helps us make friends in the long-term, research finds.

Qualities like empathy, the ability to control the emotions and investing in the relationship lead to better friendships…eventually.

The study’s authors write:

“…the combination most beneficial for long-term peer popularity is low narcissism paired with high EI [emotional intelligence].

It seems that a quieter and less needy ego, coupled with abilities to perceive, understand, use, and manage emotions, ensure better relationships in the long run.”

But at first sight, narcissists are tremendously attractive to others.

Their self-assurance and showmanship tends to draw people in.

Make friends for life

For the study, first year college students’ narcissistic tendencies were measured along with their emotional intelligence.

They were followed over three months to see how their popularity went up and down.

The results showed that those who did worst, in terms of friendships, were those low in both narcissism and emotional intelligence.

Those high in both qualities — a small minority — attracted friends early and held on to them.

Most people had a combination of average narcissistic tendencies and average emotional intelligence, and they did OK when trying to make friends.

For the long-term, though, emotional intelligence was the most important factor.

The study’s authors explain its long-term benefits:

“There was a positive effect of EI over time suggesting that revealing emotional skills needs time, as chances for regulating affect or understanding peers’ feelings appear only in specific social interactions.

Hence, emotionally intelligent people find more friends with time than their emotionally unintelligent counterparts.

The likely driving forces for these effects are high communal qualities of emotionally intelligent persons, which get noticed and appreciated by their social surrounding over time.”

The study was published in the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin (Czarna et al., 2016).

The Positive Signs Of The Most Healthy Relationships (M)

These signs of caring and connectedness were linked to longer and happier lives by long-running research.

These signs of caring and connectedness were linked to longer and happier lives by long-running research.


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‘Phubbing’: The Modern Way To Kill Your Relationship

Phubbing is a phone behaviour linked to depression and lower relationship satisfaction.

Phubbing is a phone behaviour linked to depression and lower relationship satisfaction.

Phones could be damaging romantic relationships and leading to depression, a study finds.

Researchers looked at the impact of snubbing your partner to look at your phone.

They have called this ‘phubbing’ (phone snubbing).

Dr James A. Roberts, the study’s first author, said:

“What we discovered was that when someone perceived that their partner phubbed them, this created conflict and led to lower levels of reported relationship satisfaction.

These lower levels of relationship satisfaction, in turn, led to lower levels of life satisfaction and, ultimately, higher levels of depression.”

Examples of phubbing include:

  • My partner places his or her phone where they can see it when we are together.
  • My partner keeps his or her phone in their hand when he or she is with me.
  • My partner glances at his/her phone when talking to me.
  • If there is a lull in our conversation, my partner will check his or her phone.

The survey, which included 145 people, found:

  • 46% had been ‘phubbed’ by their partner.
  • 23% said this phubbing caused conflict in their relationships.
  • 37% felt depressed at least some of the time.

Dr Meredith David, another of the study’s authors, said:

“In everyday interactions with significant others, people often assume that momentary distractions by their cell phones are not a big deal.

However, our findings suggest that the more often a couple’s time spent together is interrupted by one individual attending to his/her cellphone, the less likely it is that the other individual is satisfied in the overall relationship.

Specifically, momentary distractions by one’s cellphone during time spent with a significant other likely lowers the significant other’s satisfaction with their relationship, and could lead to enhanced feelings of depression and lower well-being of that individual.

Thus, when spending time with one’s significant other, we encourage individuals to be cognizant of the interruptions caused by their cellphones, as these may well be harmful to their relationship.”

The study was published in the journal Computers in Human Behavior (Roberts et al., 2016).

A Very Pleasurable Way To Improve Your Relationship

Both husbands and wives can benefit from this simple technique.

Both husbands and wives can benefit from this simple technique.

Acting compassionately towards your partner makes you feel better, even if your partner doesn’t notice it.

Compassionate acts include things like expressing tenderness, showing your partner they were valued and changing plans to accommodate your partner.

The study examined 175 newlyweds who had been together an average of 7 months.

Professor Harry Reis, the study’s first author, said:

“Our study was designed to test a hypothesis put forth by Tenzin Gyatso, the current Dalai Lama.

That compassionate concern for others’ welfare enhances one’s own affective state.”

For the study, the couples kept a diary over two weeks recording when they acted compassionately towards their partners.

The study’s author describe ‘compassionate acts’ as:

“…caregiving that is freely given, focused on understanding and genuine acceptance of the other’s needs and wishes, and expressed through openness, warmth, and a willingness to put a partner’s goals ahead of one’s own.”

The results showed that partners benefited from receiving compassionate acts, but only if they noticed them.

However, performing the compassionate act was beneficial to the partner that did it, whether their partner noticed or not.

Professor Reis said:

“Clearly, a recipient needs to notice a compassionate act in order to emotionally benefit from it.

But recognition is much less a factor for the donor.”

The study was published in the journal Emotion (Reis et al., 2017).