The Personality Traits That Predict A Long Happy Marriage

How being an extravert or introvert affects your marital happiness.

How being an extravert or introvert affects your marital happiness.

Women who are introverted are satisfied with their marriages for longer, a study finds.

Introverts typically prefer their own company and may be seen by others as reserved — although it is not the same as shyness.

Similarly, women who are conscientious are also more satisfied with their lives after marrying.

People who are conscientious are more careful, efficient and self-disciplined — and they aim for achievement.

The study’s authors write:

“Such a result might be explained by the tendency for conscientious individuals to place more value on relationship goals and therefore conscientious individuals may strive harder to ensure success.

This result is consistent with conscientious individuals being more satisfied with their relationships.”

In contrast, extraverted men gain the most from being married in terms of life satisfaction, while introverted men gain the least.

Indeed, introverted men were less satisfied with life after getting married than those who never married.

The conclusions come from a study of 2,015 Germans who were followed over eight years.

During this time, 468 got married and their happiness was tracked.

The results showed that, on average, people’s happiness peaked near their marriage, then faded away after a year or two.

However, happiness changed over time in different ways depending on their personality.

Introverted women and extraverted men fared the best in the long-term.

Others felt the come-down within a year or two.

The drop in happiness was sharper for men, particularly for introverted men, the authors write:

“Whilst all men experience a pre-marital increase in their life satisfaction, men that are extraverted seem to experience longer-term benefits to their life satisfaction during marriage.

Introverted men, however, experience significant drops in their life satisfaction that result in them being approximately 0.20 SD [standard deviations] lower in life satisfaction than those who never marry.”

The study was published in the journal Personality and Individual Differences (Boyce et al., 2016).

The Personality Type That Is Easiest To Read At First Glance

The study tested how good we are at assessing a stranger’s personality in a few minutes.

The study tested how good we are at assessing a stranger’s personality in a few minutes.

The personalities of happy, confident people are particularly easy to read at first glance, a study finds.

It may be because happier people are more likely to project their true personalities.

However, even the personalities of those lower in well-being are relatively easy to read, the research revealed.

The study tested the ability to assess other people’s personality when speed dating.

It emerged that most can make reasonably accurate judgements about major aspects of personality, such as how open, extraverted and agreeable another person is.

However, some people are much easier to read than others, said Ms Lauren Gazzard Kerr, the study’s first author:

“Some people are open books whose distinctive personalities can be accurately perceived after a brief interaction, whereas others are harder to read.

Strikingly, people who report higher well-being, self-esteem, and satisfaction with life tend to make the task easier.”

The study used a speed dating format in which 372 people met for the first time for only a few minutes.

Afterwards, they were each asked to rate the personalities of the person they had met.

The results revealed that the impressions they formed were generally accurate.

However, people were worse at judging the personalities of potential romantic partners than strangers in whom they had no romantic interest.

Perhaps nerves were getting in the way.

One thing emerged strongly: the personalities of happier people are easier to read at first glance.

Dr Lauren Human, study co-author, said:

“Perhaps people that have greater well-being behave in ways that are more in line with their personality — being more authentic or true to themselves.”

Alternatively, it may be that some people tend to be happier because their personalities are perceived more accurately by those they meet.

The researchers next want to find out why some people’s personalities are easier to read, explained Dr Human:

“Understanding why some people are able to be seen more accurately could help us determine strategies that other people could apply to enhance how accurately they are perceived.”

→ Read on: How to change your personality.

The study was published in the Journal of Research in Personality (Kerr et al., 2020).

What Is A Sapiosexual? Meaning, Definition, Signs

Sapiosexual people find high intelligence particularly attractive, whereas most people rate it below kindness and being understanding.

Sapiosexual people find high intelligence particularly attractive, whereas most people rate it below kindness and being understanding.

The definition or meaning of a sapiosexual is a person who finds very high intelligence a sexually attractive trait in others.

While many people appreciate those of above-average intelligence, a sapiosexual prefers people with IQs over 120 and looks for it to the exclusion of other traits and characteristics.

Sapiosexual is a new word and sapiosexuality is claimed by some as a sexual orientation, although it is really a preference that sits alongside all the other sexual preferences.

Sapiosexual meaning and signs

Sapiosexual people focus less on appearances and more on intellectual qualities.

Typical signs of sapiosexuality include:

  1. Sapiosexual people enjoy intellectual conversation about subjects like literature, philosophy or politics.
  2. Being attracted to a potential partner based on their intelligence rather than their appearance.
  3. Sapiosexual people find intellectual connections more important than an emotional connections.
  4. Requiring an intellectual discussion before even thinking about having an intimate relationship.

One-in-ten are sapiosexual

For almost one-in-ten people, researchers have found, high intelligence is particularly arousing.

The results come from a survey of 383 people aged 18 to 35 who were asked what traits they valued in a romantic partner.

They found it a more attractive trait than looks and personality combined.

A sapiosexual is as likely to be a man as a woman and are typically very turned on by high IQs.

The sapiosexual is more likely to endorse statements such as:

“Listening to someone speak very intelligently arouses me sexually.”


“It would excite me sexually to have an intellectually stimulating conversation with a potential partner.”

Dr Gilles Gignac, the study’s first author, said:

“The emergence of the popular culture notion of a sapiosexual, an individual who finds high levels of intelligence (IQ) the most sexually attractive characteristic in a person, suggests that a high IQ may be a genuinely sexually attractive trait, at least for some people.”

How much intelligence is enough?

The same research found that the most attractive IQ for the majority of people is 120.

An IQ of 120 means that a person is more intelligent than 90 percent of the population.

A higher intelligence than 120, though, started to become less attractive to the majority of people, but not to the sapiosexual, the researchers found.

In ranking the most attractive traits overall, intelligence came behind being kind and understanding and ahead of having an exciting personality and being easy-going.

The study was published in the journal Intelligence (Gignac et al., 2018).

The Lyrics People Like Reveal Their Attachment Style (M)

The lyrics of number-one hits reflect our increasing social disconnection.

The lyrics of number-one hits reflect our increasing social disconnection.

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These 2 First Impressions Matter Most In Romance (M)

Each factor is equally powerful, which might be surprising to those who are more cynical about human relationships.

Each factor is equally powerful, which might be surprising to those who are more cynical about human relationships.

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The Instant Sign Of A Cheating Partner

Watch the eyes for this sign that a partner is 50% more likely to cheat on you.

Watch the eyes for this sign that a partner is 50 percent more likely to cheat on you.

Partners who spend a fraction of a second longer looking at other people they find attractive are 50 percent more likely to cheat, psychological research finds.

The marriages of those who can’t keep their eyes in their heads are also more likely to fail.

Other signs of infidelity were hidden in couple’s appearance and dating history.

Less attractive women were more likely to be unfaithful, it emerged.

Among men, those that reported more short-term sexual partners before marriage were more likely to have an affair.

The opposite was true for women: the more sex partners before marriage, the more faithful women were during marriage.

The conclusions come from a study in which newlyweds were shown pictures of both average-looking and very attractive men and women.

Those that had trouble looking away from the very attractive pictures were 50% more likely to cheat.

Professor Jim McNulty, the study’s first author, said:

“People are not necessarily aware of what they’re doing or why they’re doing it.

These processes are largely spontaneous and effortless, and they may be somewhat shaped by biology and/or early childhood experiences.”

Faithful newlyweds were more likely to downgrade or discount the very attractive faces they saw.

This helped them put these other options out of their mind.

The study followed 233 newlyweds for up to the first 3.5 years of their marriage.

Professor McNulty said that social media has a role to play in the US divorce rate, which is approaching 50 percent:

“With the advent of social media, and thus the increased availability of and access to alternative partners, understanding how people avoid the temptation posed by alternative partners may be more relevant than ever to understanding relationships.”

The study was published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (McNulty et al., 2018).

A Simple Sign Your Relationship Will End Soon

Language use changes three months before a relationship break up.

Language use changes three months before a relationship break up.

Signs that a couple are going to break up are evident in their use of language months before the event happens, research finds.

The types of words both people use changes three months before breaking up.

Their language shifts more towards a self-focus with greater use of the pronoun ‘”I”.

There is also a higher use of words that indicate cognitive processing.

This suggests that they are thinking about something intensely.

Examples of cognitive processing words include ‘want’, ‘think’, ‘need’, ‘realise’, ‘decide’, ‘reason’, ‘depend’ and ‘wonder’.

This is true whether they are the person about to end the relationship or the one on the receiving end.

Ms Sarah Seraj, the study’s first author, said:

“It seems that even before people are aware that a breakup is going to happen, it starts to affect their lives.

We don’t really notice how many times we are using prepositions, articles or pronouns, but these function words get altered in a way when you’re going through a personal upheaval that can tell us a lot about our emotional and psychological state.”

The study analysed over 1 million posts by 6,800 people on Reddit, an online forum for discussing a wide range of subjects.

One of these forums, called r/BreakUps, is dedicated to relationship issues.

The results of the analysis revealed that language use became more personal and informal around three months before the couples broke up.

This pattern continued for a further six months afterwards.

Similar shifts in language use were seen in forums discussing divorce and other upheavals.

Ms Seraj said:

“These are signs that someone is carrying a heavy cognitive load.

They’re thinking or working through something and are becoming more self-focused.

Sometimes the use of the word ‘I’ is correlated with depression and sadness.

When people are depressed, they tend to focus on themselves and are not able to relate to others as much.”

A minority of people’s language did not revert and they returned to the r/BreakUps forum to retell the story of the end of their relationship again and again.

This suggests that some people find it particularly hard to adjust to their new circumstances.

Dr Kate Blackburn, study co-author, said:

“What makes this project so fascinating is that for the first time, through technology, we can see the way people experience a breakup in real time.

Implications for this research are far reaching.

At the most basic level, it gives you, me, and everyday people insight into how loved ones may respond over time to the end of a romantic relationship.”

The study was published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences (Seraj et al., 2021).

Self-Disclosure: How People Become More Intimate

Self-disclosure, which typically involves an exchange of intimacies, helps turn an acquaintance into a good friend.

Self-disclosure, which typically involves an exchange of intimacies, helps turn an acquaintance into a good friend.

Without self-disclosure, turning an acquaintance into a good friend can be hard.

Whether it’s romantic or platonic, there are endless reasons why people fail to connect and maintain their relationships with each other.

This disconnect isn’t always a result of some huge mistake by one person or the other, more often it’s just that people drift apart — sometimes through lack of self-disclosure.

Social bonds can be hard to maintain, especially when they aren’t based on firm routine footings like work, marriage or other institutions.

In explaining how people form strong relationships, psychologists – along with other social scientists – have long been interested in what personal information people reveal to each other in self-disclosure.

This research has culminated in recent studies of self-disclosure in internet daters and how they reveal (or fail to reveal) information about themselves.

Not just deep and meaningful

Research on self-disclosure is enormous, addressing issues such as when people choose to self-disclose, for what reasons and whether it is effective.

Within this research though, Greene, Derlega and Mathews (2006) point out some highlights.

Self-disclosure brings to mind earnest conversations about our deepest hopes and fears.

But self-disclosure is also about simply sharing our preferences for music, food or books.

These can play an equally important role in forming relationships as those deep and meaningful conversations.

Romantic partners often go through an initial stage of frantic self-disclosure.

Changing circumstances reveal different patterns of self-disclosure.

In contrast, long-term partners may reduce their self-disclosure alarmingly as the relationship lengthens.

But not all disclosure is good disclosure.

Early studies on self-disclosure confirm that too much self-disclosure too soon can be off-putting.

When someone you’ve just met starts pouring out their heart, it can make you want to run away.

Self-disclosure affects perceptions

One of the main reasons we engage in self-disclosure is because of how it affects other people’s perceptions of us, and indeed, our perceptions of other people.

We want others to like us so we tell them our secrets.

Does this really work or is it just a fantasy peddled by movie and TV script-writers?

Reviewing a range of studies, Collins and Miller (1994) found there are three main effects of self-disclosure on liking:

  • Those who disclose intimate secrets tend to be more liked than those who don’t.
  • People disclose more to those they like (relatively obvious).
  • People prefer those to whom they have made personal disclosures (not so obvious).

Being responsive

While increasing intimacy between people through self-disclosure is often seen as ‘a good thing’, there are many ways it can go wrong.

Process models of self-disclosure have looked at how disclosures are dynamically dealt with in relationships.

The way in which you react to the self-disclosure of others is of vital importance.

People want to be ‘understood’, not just ‘heard’.

This is demonstrated through behaviours like responsiveness, attentiveness and timing.

The way in which listening occurs has a huge impact on whether intimate information grows and blooms or falls on fallow ground.

Again, you can disclose too much too soon.

More importantly, self-disclosure is not just about blurting out your darkest secret, it’s about negotiating a complex relationship.

Laughter and self-disclosure

Laughter is also central to more self-disclosure, which leads to greater liking.

Laughter encourages people to open up and this is the secret to how to make friends (Gray et al., 2015).

People in the study were more likely to disclose something personal about themselves after laughing together, although they didn’t realise it.

The results showed that when the groups laughed together more, they also shared more intimate information with each other.

Alan Gray, who led the study, thinks the effect is about more than just feeling good.

Laughter releases the ‘happy hormones’ endorphins, which are what may encourage people to share intimate details of their lives.

One of the fascinating findings of the study was that people did not seem aware they had shared more with others.

Although objective observers rated the disclosures of people who’d been laughing as more intimate, people themselves did not.

Self-disclosure online

Recent research has focussed on the ways in which self-disclosure occurs in online relationships.

Two aspects of internet dating make it particularly interesting to study in relation to self-disclosure:

  • Those communicating online have more control over the way they present themselves.
  • When speaking face-to-face, a huge amount of information is transmitted through nonverbal communication. Much of this is involuntary, but this becomes largely irrelevant online.
  • It easier to construct an identity online. Emails can be crafted and photographs retouched.

The study came to some rather complex conclusions but one clear finding emerged.

Those successful at online dating tended to use large amounts of positive self-disclosure, along with an openness about their intent.

So, generally it is better to be open about yourself and honest and clear about your intentions.

As a result of both of these, it is easier to carry out ‘impression management’ (lying).

These points are made in a study by Gibbs, Ellison and Heino (2006) in which the perceived success of members of an internet dating service was related to self-disclosure.

In other words, the best strategy is the polar opposite of many people’s actual practice in online dating.

The art of self-disclosure

The idea that self-disclosure is important in relationships is no big surprise.

But while it may be easy to understand in principle, the complexity of the process means it’s much harder to do in practice.

The art of self-disclosing, then, is giving information to others in the right way and at the right time.

Receiving intimate information is no less of a skill, involving the verbal and nonverbal communication of understanding.

Online dating offers the huge temptation to cheat at self-disclosure, but, to be successful, the art of self-disclosure is much the same in the online world as the offline.