Many people are attracted to a younger partner, but is it worth it in the long run?
Since about 40 percent of all new heterosexual couples now meet online, online dating strategy has become much more important.
1,523 pairs of friends and lovers were asked about their personalities, prejudices, values and attitudes.
1,523 pairs of friends and lovers were asked about their personalities, prejudices, values and attitudes.
People look for similarity in both their friendships and romantic relationships.
In a partner, people want someone with a similar personality, similar attitudes and values.
Similarity equals compatibility because couples do not change that much over the years.
That is why opposites generally do not attract — it is a fantasy that you will be able to make major changes to another person.
So, when two people meet for the first time, they are trying to work out what they have in common.
Any differences are only likely to be magnified over the years.
Dr Angela Bahns, the study’s first author, said:
“Picture two strangers striking up a conversation on a plane, or a couple on a blind date.
From the very first moments of awkward banter, how similar the two people are is immediately and powerfully playing a role in future interactions.
Will they connect? Or walk away?
Those early recognitions of similarity are really consequential in that decision.”
The conclusions come from a study in which 1,523 pairs of friends, lovers and mere acquaintances were asked about their personalities, prejudices, values and attitudes.
The results showed that people’s qualities did not converge over the years.
Instead, people choose to be friends and lovers with those who were already more similar to them at the outset.
Dr Bahns said:
“Anything that disrupts the harmony of the relationship–such as areas of disagreement, especially on attitudes, values, or preferences that are important–is likely to persist.
Change is difficult and unlikely; it’s easier to select people who are compatible with your needs and goals from the beginning.”
One should also pursue relationships with dissimilar people, though, said Professor Chris Crandall, study co-author:
“Getting along with people who aren’t like you is really useful.
Friends are for comfort, taking it easy, relaxing, not being challenged — and those are good things.
But you can’t have only that need.
You also need new ideas, people to correct you when you’re loony.
If you hang out only with people who are loony like you, you can be out of touch with the big, beautiful diverse world.”
The study was published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (Bahns et al., 2016).
The most dangerous relationship killers can feel like normal, everyday interactions and apparently harmless patterns.
The best type of support to give your partner.
The best type of support to give your partner.
Giving more emotional support can improve relationships considerably.Partners who receive more empathy, concern and acceptance experienced more positive emotions and had higher relationship satisfaction.Men, in particular, can improve their relationship by giving women more support of any type.However, men have a tendency to give advice, when what women often prefer is emotional support, such as empathy.Women can also improve their relationship by giving men more emotional support.The conclusions come from a study of 114 newlywed couples.All were asked about how much of two types of support they received from their partner:“…receiving more emotional support was associated with more favorable affect and higher relationship satisfaction regardless of support preferences.Also, wives who received more informational support from their husbands had higher relationship satisfaction regardless of support preferences.”However, not everyone likes the same type of support.Some people get more out of empathy and concern, while others prefer straightforward advice.Both too much or too little advice can be a source of irritation.The study’s authors explain:
“Husbands who experienced underprovision of informational support from their wives, experienced less favorable affect.In contrast, wives who experienced overprovision of informational support from their husbands experienced higher depressive symptoms.”While there were differences in the types of support partners preferred, everyone was happy to get emotional support.So, if you are not sure if your partner wants empathy or advice, the default should be empathy first.
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Relationships are not just emotional — they are existential.
Many self-help books claim that more sex in a relationship makes couples happier, but is it really true?
People’s decisions about their relationships are often unselfish.
People’s decisions about their relationships are often unselfish.
People sometimes stay in unhappy relationships when they believe their partner cannot cope with a breakup.
It helps show that people’s decisions about their relationships are often unselfish.
Even people who are not that committed to their relationship do not want to hurt the other person.
Dr Samantha Joel, the study’s first author, said:
“The more dependent people believed their partner was on the relationship, the less likely they were to initiate a breakup.”
One of the studies in the research followed 1,348 people over ten weeks.
Dr Joel explained the results:
“When people perceived that the partner was highly committed to the relationship they were less likely to initiate a break up.
This is true even for people who weren’t really committed to the relationship themselves or who were personally unsatisfied with the relationship.
Generally, we don’t want to hurt our partners and we care about what they want.”
Other reasons people stay in unsatisfying relationships include that there are no better alternatives available and they afraid of being alone.
It is difficult to say if staying with someone for their benefit is really the sensible thing to do.
It will depend on how the relationship pans out.
Dr Joel hints that some people may be overestimating their partner’s reliance on the relationship:
“One thing we don’t know is how accurate people’s perceptions are.
It could be the person is overestimating how committed the other partner is and how painful the break up would be.”
Ultimately, Dr Joel asks:
“Who wants a partner who doesn’t really want to be in the relationship?”
The study was published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (Joel et al., 2018).
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