Category: Relationships

Researchers looked at the effect of negative events such as losing a job, the death of a loved one or financial problems.

Negativity is one of the most powerful relationship killers.

Reducing negativity is the key to getting through tough points in a relationships, new research finds.

Small negative gestures in a relationship are much more powerful than positive actions, psychologists have found.

Professor Keith Sanford, who led the study, said:

“When people face stressful life events, they are especially sensitive to negative behavior in their relationships, such as when a partner seems to be argumentative, overly emotional, withdrawn or fails to do something that was expected.

In contrast, they’re less sensitive to positive behavior — such as giving each other comfort.”

Even relatively small amounts of negative behaviour can add up, Professor Sanford said:

“Because people are especially sensitive to negative relationship behavior, a moderate dose may be sufficient to produce a nearly maximum effect on increasing life stress.

After negative behavior reaches a certain saturation point, it appears that stress is only minimally affected by further increases in the dose of relationship problems.”

The researchers studied 325 couples who were married or living with a partner.

They looked at the effect of negative events such as losing a job, the death of a loved one or financial problems.

A second study of 154 people looked at couples where serious illness was causing stress.

All wrote about the positive and negative behaviours their partners had performed.

Both studies found negative behaviours affected the relationship more strongly than positive, however medical issues were linked to lower levels of negative behaviour.

The study’s authors write:

“It is possible that couples facing stressful medical situations are less likely to blame each other.

When people face stressful life events, it’s common to experience both positive and negative behavior in their relationships.

When the goal is to increase feelings of well-being and lessen stress, it may be more important to decrease negative behavior than to increase positive actions.”

The study was published in the Journal of Family Psychology (Rivers & Sandford, 2018).

Around 16% of people in the US experience depression at some point in their lives.

People with the lowest quality relationships are at double the risk of depression, research finds.

Two problem relationship patterns are having an unsupportive partner and having a partner under social strain.

Social strain includes things like working hard to achieve a certain lifestyle (house, car, holiday etc.).

Those have had unsupportive and strained spouses are at higher risk of depression than those who were single.

In fact, the quality of all relationships — including family and friends — influences depression risk.

Dr Alan Teo, the study’s first author, said:

“Our study shows that the quality of social relationships is a significant risk factor for major depression.

This is the first time that a study has identified this link in the general population.”

The conclusions come from 4,643 people who were followed over 10 years.

All were asked about the quality of their relationships, the strain on them and the support they received, plus any depression symptoms.

The results showed that experiencing a lack of support and having a partner under social strain were both linked to depression.

One in seven people with the worst relationships went on to develop depression.

Among those with the best relationships, only one in 15 developed depression.

Dr Teo said:

“These results tell us that health care providers need to remember that patients’ relationships with their loved ones likely play a central role in their medical care.

They also suggest that the broader use of couples therapy might be considered, both as a treatment for depression and as a preventative measure.

Asking a patient how she rates her relationship with her husband, rather than simply asking whether she has one, should be a priority”

Isolation, however, was not linked to depression — it is all about the quality of the relationships.

Dr Teo said:

“The magnitude of these results is similar to the well-established relationship between biological risk factors and cardiovascular disease.

What that means is that if we can teach people how to improve the quality of their relationships, we may be able to prevent or reduce the devastating effects of clinical depression.”

The study was published in the journal PLOS ONE (Teo et al., 2013).

The study’s results were the exact reverse of what many people expect.

Status symbols like Rolex watches and Prada handbags repel potential friends, research finds.

It is the exact reverse of what many expect.

People assume that status symbols will make them look more socially attractive to others.

In fact, people are more friendly towards those wearing neutral or low status items, like those from Walmart.

Dr Stephen Garcia, who led the study, said:

“Often times we think that status symbols — whether a luxury car like a BMW, a brand name purse like Prada, or an expensive watch like Rolex — will make us look more socially attractive to others.

However, our research suggests that these status signals actually make us look less socially attractive, not more.”

In one experiment the researchers carried out, people chose between wearing a t-shirt with “Walmart” printed on it or “Saks Fifth Avenue”.

Fully 76 percent of people chose to wear the higher status Saks t-shirt, assuming it would be more socially attractive.

However, when they were evaluated as a potential friend by a group, 64 percent of people preferred the person wearing the Walmart t-shirt.

Dr Kimberlee Weaver Livnat, study co-author, said:

“At a societal level, we may be wasting billions of dollars on expensive status symbols that ultimately keep others from wanting to associate with us.

And to the extent that close friendships are important to well-being, we may be inadvertently hurting ourselves.”

Status symbols are not always bad, said Dr Patricia Chen, study co-author:

“Our findings right now only apply to the formation of new friendships.

Status symbols may very well be beneficial at other times and in other settings, such as when trying to establish new business contacts.”

The study was published in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science (Garcia et al., 2018).

A study followed 168 couples for over 13 years, right from their wedding day.

Being overly affectionate in the first few years of marriage is a sign a couple will divorce later on, research finds.

While hugging and kissing is normal, being all over each other is a bad sign.

The reason is that this level of romantic bliss is hard to maintain.

Couples who start out too hot and heavy tend to get disillusioned.

It is like beginning a marathon by sprinting — you’re going to run out of puff.

Couples who stay together often have a less intense romance in the first few years of marriage.

The conclusions come from a study of 168 couples who were followed over 13 years, right from their wedding day.

The researchers looked at what predicted marriages would end quickly and what signals suggested it would break down in the long-run.

The study’s authors write:

“As newlyweds, the couples who divorced after seven or more years were almost giddily affectionate, displaying about one third more affection than did spouses who were later happily married.”

In marriages that broke down quicker, the seeds of discontent were there very early — certainly within the first two months.

Couples who divorced within two years were at each other’s throats from the beginning.

The authors conclude:

“The results provide little support for the idea that emergence of distress (e.g., increasing negativity) early in marriage leads to marital failure but instead show that disillusionment — as reflected in an abatement of love, a decline in overt affection, a lessening of the conviction that one’s spouse is responsive, and an increase in ambivalence — distinguishes couples headed for divorce from those who establish a stable marital bond.”

The study was published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (Huston et al., 2001).

It is linked to higher relationship satisfaction, more positive relationship behaviours, better mental, physical health and even better health behaviours.

Using the pronouns “we” and “us” is linked to having a healthier and happier relationship, research finds.

Couples who use “we” and “us” are signalling their interdependence.

Talking like this means a couple are more likely to be closer in how they think, feel and act.

It also suggests they can rely on each other for support.

Interdependence is particularly important at times of stress and conflict.

The conclusion comes from an analysis of 30 studies including a total of over 5,000 people.

Mr Alexander Karan, the study’s first author, said:

“By examining all these studies together, they let us see the bigger picture.

We-talk is an indicator of interdependence and general positivity in romantic relationships.”

The results showed that ‘we-talk’ was linked to higher relationship satisfaction, more positive relationship behaviours, better mental, physical health and even better health behaviours.

Mr Karan said:

“The benefit of analyzing many different couples in a lot of different contexts is that it establishes we-talk isn’t just positively related in one context, but that it indicates positive functioning overall.”

The question, said Dr Megan Robbins, study co-author, is what comes first, the ‘we-talk’ or a good relationship:

“It is likely both.

Hearing yourself or a partner say these words could shift individuals’ ways of thinking to be more interdependent, which could lead to a healthier relationship.

It could also be the case that because the relationship is healthy and interdependent, the partners are being supportive and use we-talk.”

The study was published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships (Karan et al., 2018).

The conclusion comes from a study of couples who had been together for years.

Trying new things together — even for a few minutes — can improve your relationship, psychological research finds.

Something as simple as playing a new game, cooking a novel meal or listening to some music and dancing around the kitchen can do the trick — as long as it is exciting.

New activities help to fight the natural boredom that sets in after a relationship is past the honeymoon period.

New, fun and exciting activities help to continue the process of ‘expanding the self’ that happens when a couple meet and start getting to know each other, the researchers theorise.

The conclusions come from a study in which many couples who had been together for years tried a simple and novel activity together.

One activity, for example, involved the couple being velcroed together at the wrist and ankle, then they were told to carry pillows across a barrier without using their hands, arms or teeth.

The results showed that people who took part in novel, fun and exciting activities rated their relationship quality as higher.

When interacting afterwards, couples were less hostile to each other and showed more support and acceptance.

The study’s authors explain the typical pattern of a relationship:

“…when two people first enter a relationship, typically engaging in frequent, intense conversations with considerable risk-taking and self-disclosure, they are “expanding their selves” at a rapid rate.

When this rapid expansion occurs, there is hypothesized to be a high degree of positive affect, and when it is very rapid, even physiological arousal.”

Later on, after the honeymoon phase is over, things usually take a more routine turn, they explain:

“…for further rapid expansion of all these sorts would seem inevitably to decrease.

When expansion is slow or nonexistent, there should be little emotion, perhaps boredom, and the loss of enjoyable emotion may be attributed to the particular relationship, perhaps explaining the declines in satisfaction and love.”

Novel and arousing activities, though, can start the self expanding again:

“If, however, the couple engages in shared self-expanding activities (activities now other than getting to know each other), rapid self-expansion should remain associated with the relationship.

Such activities would be ones that are novel (new and thus expanding to self) or arousing (and thus associated with past rapid expansion experiences).”

The study was published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (Aron et al., 2000).

People’s decisions about their relationships are often unselfish.

People sometimes stay in unhappy relationships when they believe their partner cannot cope with a breakup, research demonstrates.

It helps show that people’s decisions about their relationships are often unselfish.

Even people who are not that committed to their relationship do not want to hurt the other person.

Dr Samantha Joel, the study’s first author, said:

“The more dependent people believed their partner was on the relationship, the less likely they were to initiate a breakup.”

One of the studies in the research followed 1,348 people over ten weeks.

Dr Joel explained the results:

“When people perceived that the partner was highly committed to the relationship they were less likely to initiate a break up.

This is true even for people who weren’t really committed to the relationship themselves or who were personally unsatisfied with the relationship.

Generally, we don’t want to hurt our partners and we care about what they want.”

Other reasons people stay in unsatisfying relationships include that there are no better alternatives available and they afraid of being alone.

It is difficult to say if staying with someone for their benefit is really the sensible thing to do.

It will depend on how the relationship pans out.

Dr Joel hints that some people may be overestimating their partner’s reliance on the relationship:

“One thing we don’t know is how accurate people’s perceptions are.

It could be the person is overestimating how committed the other partner is and how painful the break up would be.”

Ultimately, Dr Joel asks:

“Who wants a partner who doesn’t really want to be in the relationship?”

The study was published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (Joel et al., 2018).

Arguing about this damaging subject predicts divorce, research finds.

Arguments about money are the top predictor of divorce, research finds.

While arguing about money, couples use the harshest language and the arguments are also more intense and last longer.

Money arguments also take longer than any other to recover from.

Naturally, then, the more arguments about money couples have, the lower their satisfaction with the relationship.

Dr Sonya Britt-Lutter, study co-author, said:

“Arguments about money is by far the top predictor of divorce.

It’s not children, in-laws or anything else.

It’s money — for both men and women.”

The conclusions come from a nationally representative survey of over 4,500 couples.

Dr Britt-Lutter explained the results:

“In the study, we controlled for income, debt and net worth.

Results revealed it didn’t matter how much you made or how much you were worth.

Arguments about money are the top predictor for divorce because it happens at all levels.”

The researchers found that arguments from the very start of the relationship about money were a particularly bad sign.

Dr Britt-Lutter said:

“You can measure people’s money arguments when they are very first married.

It doesn’t matter how long ago it was, but when they were first together and already arguing about money, there is a good chance they are going to have poor relationship satisfaction.”

People who are stressed about money tend to avoid the issue, which makes matters worse.

Dr Britt-Lutter said:

“…people who are stressed are very short-term focused.

They don’t plan for the future.

If you can reduce stress, you can increase planning.”

If the money is not being treated fairly in the household, then the relationship satisfaction is going to be lower.”

The study was published in the journal Family Relations (Dew et al., 2012).