Category: Relationships

This could be why you’re still single or happily married.

People inherit their relationship patterns from their mothers, new research finds.

Both men and women whose mothers have a higher number of romantic partners are likely to have more partners themselves.

Similarly, mothers who divorce or serially cohabit, have children who are more likely to divorce and serially cohabit.

A person is more likely to break up their cohabitation if their mother also does so frequently.

It is probably because mothers pass on their relationship patterns to their children.

Dr Claire Kamp Dush, who led the study, said:

“Our results suggest that mothers may have certain characteristics that make them more or less desirable on the marriage market and better or worse at relationships.

Children inherit and learn those skills and behaviors and may take them into their own relationships.”

The study followed over 3,200 mothers and their children for 24 years.

It tracked how people married and divorced across the generations and their subsequent relationships.

Dr Kamp Dush said:

“It’s not just divorce now.

Many children are seeing their parents divorce, start new cohabiting relationships, and having those end as well.

All of these relationships can influence children’s outcomes, as we see in this study.”

Those who saw their mothers having more relationships tended to copy this themselves.

Dr Kamp Dush said:

“You may see cohabitation as an attractive, lower-commitment type of relationship if you’ve seen your mother in such a relationship for a longer time.

That may lead to more partners since cohabitating relationships are more likely to break-up.”

Mothers pass on their characteristics to their children, Dr Kamp Dush said:

“What our results suggest is that mothers may pass on their marriageable characteristics and relationship skills to their children — for better or worse.

It could be that mothers who have more partners don’t have great relationship skills, or don’t deal with conflict well, or have mental health problems, each of which can undermine relationships and lead to instability.

Whatever the exact mechanisms, they may pass these characteristics on to their children, making their children’s relationships less stable.”

The study was published in the journal PLOS ONE (Kamp Dush et al., 2018).

Marriage is about balancing what you put in with what you expect to get out.

Couples are becoming increasingly dissatisfied with their marriages because they are demanding more without putting in the necessary time.

Spouses either need to demand less from their relationship or put in more effort, says psychologist Professor Eli Finkel.

Increasingly, those with children put all their time into parenting and those without children concentrate on work.

As a result, there is less time to spend on the relationship.

Professor Finkel, the study’s first author, sees two options:

“You can demand less from your partner, focusing less on resource-intensive self-expressive needs, or supply more time and other resources into the marriage.”

It is not so much that people demand more from modern marriages than they used to, though, says Professor Finkel:

“The issue isn’t that Americans are expecting more versus less from their marriage, but rather that the nature of what they are expecting has changed.

They’re asking less of their marriage regarding basic physiological and safety needs, but they’re asking more of their marriage regarding higher psychological needs like the need for personal growth.”

The best marriages now are probably better than they ever were in the past, but many do not reach these exacting standards.

Professor Finkel says:

“In contemporary marriages, Americans look to their marriage to help them ‘find themselves’ and to pursue careers and other activities that facilitate the expression of their core self.

However, developing such insight requires a heavy investment of time and psychological resources in the marriage, not to mention strong relationship skills and interpersonal compatibility.”

Marriage is about balancing what you put in with what you expect to get out, says Professor Finkel:

“In general, if you want your marriage to help you achieve self-expression and personal growth, it’s crucial to invest sufficient time and energy in the marriage.

If you know that the time and energy aren’t available, then it makes sense to adjust your expectations accordingly to minimize disappointment.”

The study was published in the journal Current Directions in Psychological Science (Finkel et al., 2015).

People’s decisions about their relationships are often unselfish.

People sometimes stay in unhappy relationships when they believe their partner cannot cope with a breakup, new research demonstrates.

It helps show that people’s decisions about their relationships are often unselfish.

Even people who are not that committed to their relationship do not want to hurt the other person.

Dr Samantha Joel, the study’s first author, said:

“The more dependent people believed their partner was on the relationship, the less likely they were to initiate a breakup.”

One of the studies in the research followed 1,348 people over ten weeks.

Dr Joel explained the results:

“When people perceived that the partner was highly committed to the relationship they were less likely to initiate a break up.

This is true even for people who weren’t really committed to the relationship themselves or who were personally unsatisfied with the relationship.

Generally, we don’t want to hurt our partners and we care about what they want.”

Other reasons people stay in unsatisfying relationships include that there are no better alternatives available and they afraid of being alone.

It is difficult to say if staying with someone for their benefit is really the sensible thing to do.

It will depend on how the relationship pans out.

Dr Joel hints that some people may be overestimating their partner’s reliance on the relationship:

“One thing we don’t know is how accurate people’s perceptions are.

It could be the person is overestimating how committed the other partner is and how painful the break up would be.”

Ultimately, Dr Joel asks:

“Who wants a partner who doesn’t really want to be in the relationship?”

The study was published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (Joel et al., 2018).

Partners experienced better physical and emotional wellbeing even three weeks later.

Giving and receiving massages helps to improve relationships, new research finds.

Both partners experienced better physical and emotional wellbeing even three weeks after the study was over.

After massages, couples felt better able to cope with stress whether or not they were giving or receiving.

Ms Sayuri Naruse, the study’s first author, said:

“The benefits of receiving a massage from a professional are well documented, but this research shows how a similar outcome can be obtained by couples with little prior training and experience of the activity.”

The study included 38 people who were given a three-week massage course.

Along with the psychological and physical benefits, most couples continued to use massage after the course finished.

Ms Naruse said:

“These findings show that massage can be a simple and effective way for couples to improve their physical and mental wellbeing whilst showing affection for one another.

Our data also suggests that these positive effects of a short massage course may be long lasting, as is reflected in 74 per cent of the sample continuing to use massage after the course had finished.

Massage is a cost effective and pleasant intervention that isn’t just for a therapeutic setting but can be easily incorporated into a healthy couple’s daily routine.”

The study was published in the Journal of Health Psychology (Naruse et al., 2018).

It leads to improved relationship satisfaction and connection the very next day.

Being grateful to your partner works as an instant ‘booster shot’ for relationships, research finds.

Among couples, feeling grateful leads to improved relationship satisfaction and connection the very next day.

Little thoughtful gestures by one partner — like a back rub, a small gift or holding hands — increased feelings of gratitude.

Feeling grateful then generates a cascade of positive feelings.

The study’s lead author, Dr Sara Algoe, said:

“Feelings of gratitude and generosity are helpful in solidifying our relationships with people we care about, and benefit to the one giving as well as the one on the receiving end.”

The study tracked the day-to-day experiences of 65 couples in ongoing, committed relationships.

The results showed that the effects of gratefulness could be seen the next day, in terms of increased relationship satisfaction.

Partners responded strongly when shown their needs were being acknowledged.

Dr Algoe said:

“Gratitude triggers a cascade of responses within the person who feels it in that very moment, changing the way the person views the generous benefactor, as well as motivations toward the benefactor.

This is especially true when a person shows that they care about the partner’s needs and preferences.”

The study was published in the journal Personal Relationships (Algoe et al., 2010).