Category: Relationships

This could be why you’re still single or happily married.

People inherit their relationship patterns from their mothers, new research finds.

Both men and women whose mothers have a higher number of romantic partners are likely to have more partners themselves.

Similarly, mothers who divorce or serially cohabit, have children who are more likely to divorce and serially cohabit.

A person is more likely to break up their cohabitation if their mother also does so frequently.

It is probably because mothers pass on their relationship patterns to their children.

Dr Claire Kamp Dush, who led the study, said:

“Our results suggest that mothers may have certain characteristics that make them more or less desirable on the marriage market and better or worse at relationships.

Children inherit and learn those skills and behaviors and may take them into their own relationships.”

The study followed over 3,200 mothers and their children for 24 years.

It tracked how people married and divorced across the generations and their subsequent relationships.

Dr Kamp Dush said:

“It’s not just divorce now.

Many children are seeing their parents divorce, start new cohabiting relationships, and having those end as well.

All of these relationships can influence children’s outcomes, as we see in this study.”

Those who saw their mothers having more relationships tended to copy this themselves.

Dr Kamp Dush said:

“You may see cohabitation as an attractive, lower-commitment type of relationship if you’ve seen your mother in such a relationship for a longer time.

That may lead to more partners since cohabitating relationships are more likely to break-up.”

Mothers pass on their characteristics to their children, Dr Kamp Dush said:

“What our results suggest is that mothers may pass on their marriageable characteristics and relationship skills to their children — for better or worse.

It could be that mothers who have more partners don’t have great relationship skills, or don’t deal with conflict well, or have mental health problems, each of which can undermine relationships and lead to instability.

Whatever the exact mechanisms, they may pass these characteristics on to their children, making their children’s relationships less stable.”

The study was published in the journal PLOS ONE (Kamp Dush et al., 2018).

Partners experienced better physical and emotional wellbeing even three weeks later.

Giving and receiving massages helps to improve relationships, new research finds.

Both partners experienced better physical and emotional wellbeing even three weeks after the study was over.

After massages, couples felt better able to cope with stress whether or not they were giving or receiving.

Ms Sayuri Naruse, the study’s first author, said:

“The benefits of receiving a massage from a professional are well documented, but this research shows how a similar outcome can be obtained by couples with little prior training and experience of the activity.”

The study included 38 people who were given a three-week massage course.

Along with the psychological and physical benefits, most couples continued to use massage after the course finished.

Ms Naruse said:

“These findings show that massage can be a simple and effective way for couples to improve their physical and mental wellbeing whilst showing affection for one another.

Our data also suggests that these positive effects of a short massage course may be long lasting, as is reflected in 74 per cent of the sample continuing to use massage after the course had finished.

Massage is a cost effective and pleasant intervention that isn’t just for a therapeutic setting but can be easily incorporated into a healthy couple’s daily routine.”

The study was published in the Journal of Health Psychology (Naruse et al., 2018).

It leads to improved relationship satisfaction and connection the very next day.

Being grateful to your partner works as an instant ‘booster shot’ for relationships, research finds.

Among couples, feeling grateful leads to improved relationship satisfaction and connection the very next day.

Little thoughtful gestures by one partner — like a back rub, a small gift or holding hands — increased feelings of gratitude.

Feeling grateful then generates a cascade of positive feelings.

The study’s lead author, Dr Sara Algoe, said:

“Feelings of gratitude and generosity are helpful in solidifying our relationships with people we care about, and benefit to the one giving as well as the one on the receiving end.”

The study tracked the day-to-day experiences of 65 couples in ongoing, committed relationships.

The results showed that the effects of gratefulness could be seen the next day, in terms of increased relationship satisfaction.

Partners responded strongly when shown their needs were being acknowledged.

Dr Algoe said:

“Gratitude triggers a cascade of responses within the person who feels it in that very moment, changing the way the person views the generous benefactor, as well as motivations toward the benefactor.

This is especially true when a person shows that they care about the partner’s needs and preferences.”

The study was published in the journal Personal Relationships (Algoe et al., 2010).

How much do you appreciate your partner?

Simply being appreciative of your partner’s good points, however modest, improves the relationship, research finds.

People who recognised their partner’s efforts to be more patient and loving had a happier and more secure relationship, psychologists have discovered.

On the other hand, those who believed their partner could not change had worse relationships, even if their partner was making a real effort to do better.

The trick is to convince yourself that change is possible and to appreciate any steps in the right direction, however small.

Dr Daniel C. Molden, a study co-author, said:

“A secret to building a happy relationship is to embrace the idea that your partner can change, to give him or her credit for making these types of efforts and to resist blaming him or her for not trying hard enough all of the time.”

The conclusions come from a study in which couples rated how much their partner was trying to improve the relationship.

Did they, for example, make an effort to be a better listener or try and show more understanding?

After three months they rated their relationships again.

The results showed that people who appreciated their partner’s efforts to change were happier with their relationship.

Even sincere efforts to improve the relationship are wasted, the study found, if they are not appreciated.

Dr Molden said:

“If you don’t believe that your partner is capable of changing his or her fundamental characteristics, even when he or she is working hard to try to improve your relationship, you can actually end up discounting these efforts.”

It is common for people in relationships to be sceptical about their partner’s efforts, however hard they are trying.

Don’t let that happen to you.

Dr Chin Ming Hui, the study’s first author, said:

“Many of us tend to under appreciate our partner’s efforts to improve the relationship, simply because we do not have enough faith in those attempts.

When we see those efforts in a positive light, we can enjoy our relationship much more.”

The study was published in the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin (Hui et al., 2011).

One of the challenges of a breakup is separating psychologically from an ex-partner.

Thinking about a romantic breakup is a surprising key to overcoming it, psychologists have found.

After mentally going over the breakup several times, people in the study felt less lonely and more secure in their own self-concept.

One of the challenges of a breakup is separating psychologically from an ex-partner.

Thinking about the breakup and creating a narrative of recovery helps to build a stronger self-concept, researchers have found.

For the study, 210 people who had recently experienced a relationship breakup were split into two groups.

One group just completed two questionnaires, while the second group had a more intensive battery of tests on four separate occasions.

Each time they were forced to reflect on their relationship and the breakup in different ways.

Dr Grace Larson, the study’s first author, said:

“At first glance, it might seem like repeatedly reminding participants that they had just broken up — and asking them to describe the breakup over and over — might delay recovery.”

The questions helped people themselves as single.

The idea is to encourage people to psychologically untangle themselves from their ex-partner.

The results showed that seeing oneself as separate helps emotional recovery.

Dr Larson said:

“The process of becoming psychologically intertwined with the partner is painful to have to undo.

Our study provides additional evidence that self-concept repair actually causes improvements in well-being.”

While the researchers are not sure exactly why reflecting on the relationship aids recovery, Dr Larson thinks:

“…it might be simply the effect of repeatedly reflecting on one’s experience and crafting a narrative — especially a narrative that includes the part of the story where one recovers.”

Although most people do not have access to a psychological study to help them get over a breakup, they can still mimic the process.

Dr Larson said:

“For instance, a person could complete weekly check-ins related to his or her emotions and reactions to the breakup and record them in a journal.”

Dr Larson advises that an independent self-concept is vital to recovery:

“The recovery of a clear and independent self-concept seems to be a big force driving the positive effects of this study, so I would encourage a person who recently experienced a breakup to consider who he or she is, apart from the relationship.

If that person can reflect on the aspects of him- or herself that he or she may have neglected during the relationship but can now nurture once again, this might be particularly helpful.”

The study was published in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science (Larson & Sbarra, 2015).