The pattern is highly damaging to some relationships, but not all.
The worst relationship pattern is where one partner wants change, and the other responds by giving them the ‘silent treatment’.
For wealthier couples, this pattern is damaging to their relationship satisfaction.
However, for lower-income couples, the silent treatment can actually benefit the relationship.
Ms Jaclyn M. Ross, the study’s first author, explains:
“Consider this example: A wife requests that her husband ask for a raise at work.
For a husband in a low-wage job with less job security, that is a risky proposition.
By showing reluctance to ask for the raise, he can preserve his self-esteem and lessen emphasis on the couple’s vulnerable financial situation.
For a wealthier couple in the same situation, the wife may perceive that the husband is unwilling to make a sacrifice for his family and that can cause friction in the relationship.”
For the study, hundreds of couples with a wide range of incomes were recruited.
Around 40 percent of couples’ income was below the federal poverty line.
The results showed that for wealthier couples the demand-withdraw pattern was linked to lower relationship satisfaction over 18 months.
However, poorer couples were more satisfied with their relationship when the husband withdrew when asked to change by his wife.
Dr Thomas N. Bradbury, study co-author, said:
“Even though it is easier for wealthier couples to access resources to address their relationship problems, it can also create higher expectations that partners will make accommodations for one another’s demands and needs that underlie their problems.
But if those expectations are not met, rifts can occur in the relationship and exacerbate the existing problems.”
Ms Ross said:
“Life circumstances may matter for relationships far more than we think — so much so that these circumstances appear to moderate the effects of communication on how happy we are in our partnerships.
Creating safe and secure environments helps to allow partners to relate well to each other and to their children, giving more people the kinds of relationships and families that will keep them healthy and happy.”
The study was published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (Ross et al., 2018).
