Plus, the two worst ways of dealing with arguments.
People who communicate constructively are the best at handling arguments.
Instead of criticising or withdrawing, constructive communicators talk things through and look for solutions.
Indeed, the two worst ways of dealing with arguments are becoming critical or withdrawing.
This is because both create a very negative emotional climate.
As bad feelings increase, it gets harder to repair the rift.
Unfortunately, when in a bad mood, it is harder to spot any positive steps your partner might make.
The conclusions come from a study in which 98 couples kept a diary for two weeks about how they dealt with relationship conflicts.
Some people lashed out or blamed the other person, while others tried to communicate and find a solution.
Professor Brian Ogolsky, the study’s first author, said:
“When conflict occurred, it influenced the way persons rated their partner’s general efforts to work on their relationship.
If partners withdrew or become contemptuous or critical, the bad feelings lingered, and that negative emotion dampened people’s ability to process or perceive their partner’s attempts to repair what was wrong between them.”
The key, said Professor Ogolsky, is constructive communication:
“Hostile feelings don’t gain a foothold among constructive communicators — people who talk things out and work through the problem in a constructive manner.
That’s a game changer for the way a couple’s relationship will develop.”
The best problem solvers were able to take action right after the argument starts.
Professor Ogolsky said:
“Taking a moment to regroup and gather your thoughts is never a bad thing, but be careful that the moment you take doesn’t turn into a longer period of avoidance, which allows the problem to fester.”
Keeping on top of any relationship conflict is vital, said Professor Ogolsky:
“Communication is just one aspect of relationship maintenance, but it’s an important one.
If you use effective strategies to manage conflicts on a daily basis when those conflicts are small, you’re likely to create a warmer emotional climate and have better outcomes.
Related
- 14 Essential Relationship Rules Every Couple Should Follow (P)
- 10 Toxic Patterns That Sabotage Relationships (P)
The study was published in the Journal of Family Psychology (Ogolsky & Gray, 2015).
