Happy Couples Use This Defence Mechanism To Stay Faithful

This unconscious process is one of the secrets that helps happy couples stay faithful.

This unconscious process is one of the secrets that helps happy couples stay faithful.

People in relationships automatically see tempting others as less attractive, research finds.

The more satisfied people are with their relationship, the more they downgrade attractive others.

The unconscious process may help couples stay faithful to each other.

Dr Shana Cole, the study’s first author, said:

“Misperceiving attractive people who represent threats to the relationship as less attractive may help people resist the inclination to pursue them.

This is especially important since finding someone physically attractive is a primary reason why people choose to date or romantically pursue someone.”

A healthy defence mechanism

The research on 131 heterosexual couples showed them various pictures of the opposite sex manipulated to be more or less attractive.

Sometimes study participants were told they were single, other times that they were in a relationship.

When told the person in the profile was single, people in relationships downgraded their attractiveness.

They did this automatically as a defensive mechanism to protect their own relationship.

When told the person in the profile was in a relationship, though, the defensive mechanism did not operate.

In contrast, those not in relationships were unaffected by the relationship status of the profile.

Dr Emily Balcetis, one of the study’s co-authors, said:

“In today’s world, it can be difficult to stick it out with one long-term partner.

This work suggests that there are processes that may take place outside of conscious awareness to make it easier to stay committed to one’s own partner.”

Dr Cole said:

“There are still several questions that are left open.

Future research could see whether perceiving intriguing and available individuals as less attractive affects behavior toward the individual.

It’s possible that if we see tempting others as unattractive, we will flirt less with them or be more reluctant to give out our phone number.”

How to stay faithful

Here are some other strategies that may help couples stay faithful:

  1. Communicating openly and honestly with each other about feelings, needs, and boundaries.
  2. Building and maintaining trust through consistency and transparency.
  3. Prioritizing the relationship and making an effort to spend quality time together.
  4. Being committed to working through challenges and conflicts.
  5. Practicing healthy coping mechanisms for dealing with stress, rather than turning to infidelity as a solution.
  6. Being respectful of each other’s boundaries and independence.
  7. Fostering a sense of emotional and physical intimacy in the relationship.

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The study was published in the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin (Cole et al., 2016).

Author: Jeremy Dean

Psychologist, Jeremy Dean, PhD is the founder and author of PsyBlog. He holds a doctorate in psychology from University College London and two other advanced degrees in psychology. He has been writing about scientific research on PsyBlog since 2004. He is also the author of the book "Making Habits, Breaking Habits" (Da Capo, 2013) and several ebooks.

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