The Psychology of Internet Dating
[Internet Dating Focus] You're single, perhaps painfully so. The large pool of potential partners that school or university provided is starting to seem like it was a lifetime ago. You've moved to an unfamiliar city for work or to get away from the past. You stick to your tried and trusted old friends and there seems little chance of meeting new people. Internet dating may look like a good option, a last hope even, of meeting some new people.
Encouraging research from the University of Bath suggests that internet dating might be more than a passing fad. A new survey asked 229 internet daters about their experiences of internet dating. What relationships had they had online? How long did they last? Was it all a complete waste of time and money? The results were perhaps surprisingly upbeat. 94% or people who had built up a significant online relationship went on to meet up more than once in real life.
"The more the couple engaged in simultaneous online chat before meeting rather than simply e-mailing one another, the more they were found to depend on one another emotionally and the more they understood one another."
→ Related article: Reasons For Online Dating Vary Widely
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I've had several disappointing experiences with internet dating and as a result, have searched the internet looking for help. I've come across several helpful resources, that have helped me realize that internet dating is a dead end. Any relationship that starts as an advertisement is doomed to fail given that the medium is a dishonest one. There is a grassroots movement of serious researchers who are trying to expose the "integrity gaps" that exist in online dating. One interesting example deals with a famous free dating service. Check out the blog at http://datingplentyoffish.blogspot.com
Personnally, I believe Internet dating is a fantastic medium. If used wisely, it can assist you in a very efficient manner in finding many potential partners.
However, like anything else in life, it requires a little bit of effort in order to be successful. To do this right, you have to do a little bit of research/homework (i.e.: how to create an efficient profile, clues that will help you spot the kind of people to avoid and so on). To become a good driver, you just don't get behind the wheel and drive around town... you might get seriously hurt. You have to learn how, in order to become an adequate driver, right? With Internet dating, it's the same thing. You have to learn how to do this properly in order to find a good catch.
In the 6 months I've been dating through the Internet, I have met very interesting and honest people, thanks to technology.
Before you actually meet the person, you can get to know them a little bit better through e-mail, Instant messaging and even now with a Web cam you can even see them before you meet them. If you read between the lines, you can even detect certain traits that you don't want in a potential date and consequently end the "relationship" before it has even started.
When you meet someone at a party or at the gym or even through a common friend, you don't know what they are looking for, what their qualities/strengths are. Do they want a long-term relationship, do they want to date for ever, are they just looking for a friend, are they just interested in sex. Those are all things that you can see on their profile within seconds and then you select those that you would like to get in touch with, something that you can't do when you meet people for the first time. What's even more interesting is that via the Internet you can view hundreds of profile comfortably sitting at home in a jogging suit with a bad hair day and no one will see the difference.
That being said, you still have to be patient. Even if it's efficient, it does not guarantee that you will find your match right away. You should have high standards and not settle for anything less than what you hope for.
Eve, thanks for your thoughtful comment - I think you've given some really good advice about internet dating there. People approach it likes it's a quick fix. You're right they need to be more patient.
To Cherry jung - saying that "internet dating is a dead end" reminds me of a conversation with a person who did not understand the concept of" dating someone on a computer". The idea is to use an "internet dating" site to find people, screen out the unsuitable ones (and fake ones, as you mention on your blog), and then move things to the real world as soon as possible. So it is only a dead end if you look at it as an end in itself, as opposed to being a means to an end. Hotornot.com had to move away from a free model to a paid-membership business model because of fraudulent members. So I'm going to use my membership fees to (hopefully) screen out most of those problematic members (or non-members, whatever you'd like to call it). Check my blog for a post on "dating fraud".
Internet dating is just a big cash cow for the investors.
The vast majority of men are on these dating sites because they are looking to get laid and not have to pay for it. Most are in a relationship or are on the rebound.
Lots are players. These guys know how to play most females.
I rather relearn how to make eye contact with a cute guy, in person and be able to take a good look, in person, than rely on a profile that we all don't like having to fill out.
The internet is so anonymous and so can everyone else be so too.
How do you know if the pic is really them and how do you know that anything they tell you is true and not a scam, when you can't see the other in person from the time of introductions.
I am not young enough or sluttly enough and I am just as visual as any guy.
That doesn't seem to help me out any.
This is about gay dating sites. Most of them are very poor to say the least. Many gay men tend to post many X rated pictures of themselves. Many of these photos I would never want to see. Most gay men on the internet seem to be looking for sex only. Many are into drugs and dating married men. I understand now why many people don't like gay people. I am none of these things.
Hi
Internet dating...I believe is here to stay. This is the modern world of technology and busyness. It great for those who are sincere and it does not have to end up in failure. If things don't work out after the endless online communication, atleast you can remain friends ...'cause you know the person and like his/her personality.
Besides, its easy to read between the lines if you give it time online. I know og people who are too eager to meet and lose the opportunity to pick up the clues reading between the line. So give it sometime people!!
Also introduce them online to your trusted friends so you can know how they treat or behave when they are not with you. Some may say that it is a wrong thing to do as they may end up leaving you and going out with your friend. But remember its best to let them go before you get too involved. Anyway, you are not going to wrap them up in cotton wool once you have them. AND they were not worth having if they jump ship so easily!!
Have fun but take care...
Good Luck to you all
Daisy