Empathy Causes Facial Similarity Between Couples to Increase Over Time
Would you believe that people who live with each other for 25 years actually develop similar facial features? I don't just mean that people tend to choose partners who resemble them, rather that over time together couple's features actually converge. It's weird, but there's evidence for it from a singular study carried out by the noted psychologist Robert Zajonc and colleagues.
Here's what they did.
110 participants were shown photographs of men and women in their first year of marriage and of the same couples after 25 years of marriage. Then they were asked to judge their resemblance along with the chance that any man and woman were married to each other. The researchers went to a lot of effort to remove extraneous info and crop photos so that only faces could be seen.
The types of choices the participants made indicated the perception was that couples became more facially similar after 25 years together. The results could not be explained by people simply all looking the same as they got older. Also, data from a control group indicated participants were indeed making judgements on the basis of facial features rather than any other criteria.
So this means if you stick around with your partner, you'll end up looking more like them after a couple of decades. Which naturally raises the question: why?
Here are the possible explanations the authors suggest:
1. Diet. If you share your diet with another person it's possible this is the cause. For example if both partners eat a high fat diet, both their faces will tend to look chubby. The authors, however, ruled this out using an additional small study.
2. Environment. It could be that it's because couples live together in the same area. This means that environmental factors such as sunshine and so on affect the skin in similar ways. The authors rule this one out as well because all their married couples came from the same part of the US Midwest and were matched on a number of other socioeconomic variables.
3. Predisposition. This is the idea that people are more likely to choose partners who will grow to look like them. E.g. depressed people are attracted to each other, so end up looking depressed. The authors give this one a maybe, although it is not their favourite option.
4. Empathy. This is the theory the authors like - and so do I. People grow to look similar because they are empathising with each other and so copying each other's facial expressions. Over time because of all the empathising they are doing, their faces come to look more similar. For example, if one partner often smiles in a particular way, the other is likely to copy it - so creating similar patterns of wrinkles and furrows on the face.
Because they liked theory number 4 the authors had another thought. Why not see if those who grow to look most like each other are the happiest couples? Presumably, then, those who get on better, empathise with each other to a greater degree and therefore go on to look more similar. Unfortunately, this test failed to reach statistical significance, so this study doesn't give us enough evidence to say whether or not it is true.
A straw poll of people I've talked to about this research reveals a polarised reaction. Some think that growing to look more like your partner is an horrific idea. Others, though, think there's something very sweet and romantic about it. I think I'm in the latter camp.
There is one worrying possibility this study suggests. It is said if you want to find out what your partner will look like when they're older, you should look at your partner's parents. Perhaps a glance at your partner's parents might also reveal what you will look like in a couple of decades. Truly scary stuff!
» Related: find out whether dogs really resemble their owners.
» Read more weird psychology studies.
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References
Zajonc, R.B., Adelmann, P.K., Murphy, S.T., & Niedenthal, P.M. (1987). Convergence in the physical appearance of spouses. Motivation and Emotion, 11(4), 335-346.
Here's what they did.
110 participants were shown photographs of men and women in their first year of marriage and of the same couples after 25 years of marriage. Then they were asked to judge their resemblance along with the chance that any man and woman were married to each other. The researchers went to a lot of effort to remove extraneous info and crop photos so that only faces could be seen.
The types of choices the participants made indicated the perception was that couples became more facially similar after 25 years together. The results could not be explained by people simply all looking the same as they got older. Also, data from a control group indicated participants were indeed making judgements on the basis of facial features rather than any other criteria.
So this means if you stick around with your partner, you'll end up looking more like them after a couple of decades. Which naturally raises the question: why?
Here are the possible explanations the authors suggest:
1. Diet. If you share your diet with another person it's possible this is the cause. For example if both partners eat a high fat diet, both their faces will tend to look chubby. The authors, however, ruled this out using an additional small study.
2. Environment. It could be that it's because couples live together in the same area. This means that environmental factors such as sunshine and so on affect the skin in similar ways. The authors rule this one out as well because all their married couples came from the same part of the US Midwest and were matched on a number of other socioeconomic variables.
3. Predisposition. This is the idea that people are more likely to choose partners who will grow to look like them. E.g. depressed people are attracted to each other, so end up looking depressed. The authors give this one a maybe, although it is not their favourite option.
4. Empathy. This is the theory the authors like - and so do I. People grow to look similar because they are empathising with each other and so copying each other's facial expressions. Over time because of all the empathising they are doing, their faces come to look more similar. For example, if one partner often smiles in a particular way, the other is likely to copy it - so creating similar patterns of wrinkles and furrows on the face.
Because they liked theory number 4 the authors had another thought. Why not see if those who grow to look most like each other are the happiest couples? Presumably, then, those who get on better, empathise with each other to a greater degree and therefore go on to look more similar. Unfortunately, this test failed to reach statistical significance, so this study doesn't give us enough evidence to say whether or not it is true.
A glimpse of the future?
A straw poll of people I've talked to about this research reveals a polarised reaction. Some think that growing to look more like your partner is an horrific idea. Others, though, think there's something very sweet and romantic about it. I think I'm in the latter camp.
There is one worrying possibility this study suggests. It is said if you want to find out what your partner will look like when they're older, you should look at your partner's parents. Perhaps a glance at your partner's parents might also reveal what you will look like in a couple of decades. Truly scary stuff!
» Related: find out whether dogs really resemble their owners.
» Read more weird psychology studies.
Subscribe to PsyBlog (RSS)
References
Zajonc, R.B., Adelmann, P.K., Murphy, S.T., & Niedenthal, P.M. (1987). Convergence in the physical appearance of spouses. Motivation and Emotion, 11(4), 335-346.
Labels: Emotion, Weird Psychology
34 comments
Why is this scary? It is very interesting, indeed
Hi Vityok, glad you liked it. I guess how scary it is will depend on what your partner's parents look like!
Very interesting, as usual, Jeremy. I have often heard the old bromide that people who have been together for a long time look alike, but now I see that there it at least some explanation for it.
I would also note that one of my good friends has a younger sister and they look very alike and people who didn't know they were related would often ask if they were dating or say that they looked "cute" together. This hasn't happened to all of my friends with opposite-gender siblings but I always found it a little odd. I wonder if it was a retro-type effect of the phenomenon discussed here?
Vityok, I think you would understand why it is scary if you had ever seen my ex-in-laws! Thankfully, they are now firmly "ex" and I suppose I don't have to worry about looking like them.
Jeremy,
Interesting finding. I suspect that the process extends well beyond imitation and empathy into intersubjective dynamics that entail various pressures rooted both in concordant and complementary accomodations.
I've written more on that here.
Dr X, thanks for pointing that out. You mention neuroplasticity there which raises another intriguing possibility: that people's actual brains come to look more similar over time. So, perhaps the same experiment could be done as above but this time using neuroimaging - match the brain scans!
Jeremy,
There's an intriguing possibility!
That bodes well for me, but I have to to break some bad news to my wife.
Well, there is a Chinese term 夫妻相 which translates to "physiognomy of husband and wife"...
Thanks Onekell - very interesting. For some reason the Chinese characters you typed appeared correctly in my 'new comment alert' email but not on the site - which is a pity. I'll take a look to see if it can be fixed...
And we need a study to tell us this why?
Note: I'd like to see the photographs of the couples (or at least have some facial recognition software input). The skeletal structure will not alter that much so it would be interesting to see.
What's also intriguing is to study whether people can grow to resemble their pets.
Why not use blind couples to test this theory. -kegir
Anon, the actual photos would be interesting to see although I would guess they are covered by the confidentiality agreement for taking part in the study. So: no dice.
Won, it's funny you should say that because it's been done - I'll report it on PsyBlog shortly.
Ken, I'm not exactly sure what you're getting at.
I don't know... I think it goes alot deeper than one might first think. I like to think this occurs because of the "spiritual union" referred to in the "Bible". Where two spirits/bodies become "one" during marriage. I believe that our spirit is our "true self" and once we are married our spirits become one. And maybe after time, our bodies/earthsuits which are nothing more than building blocks to begin with, begin to manifest that inner being. If Husband & Wife share the same spirit, according to the bible, wouldn't it make sense that this would become physically evident after some time? I'm no bible-thumping zealot or anything, but I am spiritual in many ways. So, if this theory of mine has any merit, I wonder what I will look like in twenty years since I'm "divorced". Maybe since that spiritual bond has been broken, so will the pattern of transformation. I have another theory about this subject which has more to do with the "physics" involved, "mind/body connection" stuff. But I'm busy & fairly "uneducated", so maybe some other time. Peace - Jack H. Cope
Damn. Am I ever glad I divorced my first husband. Dodged a whack from the ugly stick that time.
Lol some of your comments are halarious. anyway Ken has a funny yet serious idea. since we transform physically into our other halfs what would that mean to blind persons. Can't see=can't tranform physically. I suppose they may look like what they think their other half might look like.
I posted the above . Ilike how you dont have to register to post!!
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That is strange, but I have some objections, because of the fact, that all couples were from the same region. It should be much more diverse, especially mixed and homosexual couples should have been included into study. Then it would have much more significance.
Gerino, yes, these are good suggestions for future studies.
ken made a good point... if it's a theory of empathy and copying each others facial movements, then a blind couple would not be effected by this and would be a good way to test the theory
There was a great spiritual teacher called Yogananda who came to the US. They say that when he talked with a person that he often began to look like them. I would say he did that through his incredible empathy. He entered into total rapport.
Joseph
ExploreLifeBlog.com
Or what if older people just seem to resemble each other more from the viewpoint of a young subject?
Very informative article !
Trust me. Very often I say to myself that a couple (wife and a husband) look alike and I kept wondering as to how that is possible. Analyzing the reasons behind them looking alike was just beyond my scope.
Now that I have read this article, I have found answers to all my questions.
The reasons are a little scary, but if this is the fact, yeah, we would have to live with it.
After much curiosity in this subject I came across a famous author who "Reads Faces", and her gifts and knowledge were truly enlightening. She explains in much of her writing and including this subject our features are mirrors so to speak of our personality and traits, and when two people become connected and grow closer we tend to be more like the other, which in turn creates changes in our features which looks similar to the other.. her blog is at: http://www.rose-rosetree.com/blog/
it is another concept that really makes total sense for me! CindySue (Mystic)
I don't agree at all. If you look at engagement pictures, the couples look alike to begin with. I think they look at their own faces every morning and grow accustomed to them and when they see a similar face, they are attracted to it.
interesting. seems appropriate for the physical attributes of an individual to morph and fit the persisting environment. wonder if you would start to emit similar pheromones as your partner.
Flimsy, this objection is dealt with in the article.
Why not predisposition? I was stunned to learn after several years of marriage, that my wife was looking very much like my own mother. Everybody around was telling me, she resembled my mom much more than I did. I myself didn't see it first, but actually,it was true. Probably, it was some embedded attraction to mother's type of features - long narrow face with long straight nose, that made me choose my partner - over much prettier girls.
When we are often together, people often comment how alike my Dad and I look, despite the fact that we are not biologically related (and no, he looks nothing like my biological father). I've always put it to down to learned facial expressions.
As for looking like your partner's parents, does that mean I will end up looking like his and he will end up looking like mine, or that one side will win out over the other? If so, I'd better start filling the house with photos of my parents because his... :(
Did the study define more specifically what is being termed similar facial features in your post?
I don´t really understand how the authors of the study control, if this similarity between a couple married for a long time is not simply because similar looking people better fit together and therefore are married for their life long. and couples made of different looking people just quit their relationship earlier, when they realize that they have different way-of-life or sth. ok, this may be included in the explanation, but what I mean is, it may be a priori excluded that there are photos of this non-fitting couples to look at and to judge similarities simply because non-fitting people do not have a long relationship--?
what about forced marriage?
I read the book "The Secret" and it says that the human body regrows completely every part within something like a few years. Well, our minds are what creates our thoughts and feelings, and our feelings shape who we are. If we look at ourselves in the mirror everyday and see what we look like then in our minds That person right there infront of us is what we look like. I think that if we are around someone close to us enough the thought of how they look and act becomes etched in our minds, we pick up on their manurisms and facial expressions and when our bodies are slowly regrowing we regrow with small traights of that other person. Perhaps it would take decades maybe.. since we dont unconsciously pick up their traights 24/7. But maybe if we did consciously imagine almost constantly that we were and looked exactly like that other person than perhaps within a few short years we would look a lot like them! :) hey that sounds pretty good eh?
What a interesting site :-)
Have read carefully through the post and all relevant comments, and yes, I do agree, many married couples or long term partners resemble eachother.
My Grandfather told me something interesting as a child, and I remember it still, he said"the only one gets, the larger your nose and ears gets"(lol), but in his case it was the truth, as I have seen pics of him as a young man, and his face definetelly looked different.
I agree with some of the comments, people do tend to be attracted to "familiar features", such as theire own or maybe a family mebers like a mothers facial features.
To date I have never been involved with somoene who even slightly resembles me or a family..makes one think hey..lol, maybe if I found my "twin"things would last..and we could grow old together in geriatric bliss..lol
Just a thought I had - I was jealous of my partner's ex girlfriend for a while because I thought she was more attractive than me. And they looked so much like each other - they had practically the same face!
Since then, this theory has even caused me worry, as I have often panicked and thought - "He's left his face twin for me, we are not as compatible!"
It sounds silly but then I had a period of what can only be described as obessive observation where I would suddenly start noticing all these couples who looked eerily alike..!
Then I got to thinking, my parents are different nationalities and I have a slightly unusual face, so it would be even harder to find my male face twin! Happy ever after..???