Comments on: Newborns Don’t Bond Immediately with their Mothers

By: momoffive

momoffive — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 22:51:50 +0000

Although I am sure that we as parents bond to our children before they do to us, I disagree with the time frame mentioned in this article.By two weeks old my children wanted me and only me. They would also watch me and "follow" me from across the room. My youngest son also smiled at me, and turned his head in my direction at the sound of my voice, from 2-3 weeks old. Maybe there is a difference between breastfed babies and their mothers, due to the fact that they csannot be "passed around" to be fed. There is also much eye contact from the very begining with breastfed babies. I remember gazing into my children's eyes,(and them looking back)just after they were born while feeding. My youngest is now 2 1/2 months old and for over a month now he cries when he is handed off. He knows the difference, and and has for quite some time. I believe that babies do bond early. I have enough experience to say this without any doubt. When my newborn children would cry-they were soothed by my voice.(which they had been hearing for months from the inside)How is it explained that they can be calmed almost immediately when picked up and soothed by their mother and get more and more irritated when someone else tries to help out? Just because a newborn baby doesn't have a way to show that bond (smiling,cooingect.)early on doesn't mean that it isn't so. Babies deserve more credit than they recieve. Interesting...I'm sure there is a normal range for when bonding occurs, I wonder if it is sooner for breastfed babies vs. bottle fed. That would be neat to find out.

By: MindMelt

MindMelt — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 17:05:00 +0000

Ah- say it isn't true! But having a baby you are correct, she doesn't care if I'm feeding her or her Dad is or her Nanna, as long as food and diaper changes keep coming, she's happy, content and alert.

By: Joe

Joe — Wed, 21 May 2008 05:10:00 +0000

I'm a dad of two girls separated by two boys. My oldest girl bonded with me very quickly--within days (she also displayed a stubborn streak that has remained unrelenting to her recent twentieth birthday.) It really bothered my wife, though she hid it from me.

My sons didn't bond to either of us. My youngest became a mommy's girl. It seemed fast, but likely was on a normal schedule.

By: h

Tue, 06 May 2008 15:46:00 +0000

too bad they didn't test my son.
I couldn't be more than a foot away before he'd start crying. No one else could calm him down.
He was very premature, but this started when he was 2 weeks old (equivalent of 29 weeks gestational age).

By: Jeremy (PsyBlog author)

Jeremy (PsyBlog author) — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 15:58:00 +0000

Hotoldlady, as I say above there is an early preference for the primary caregiver - that's the research you're referring to - but it is weak until about 3 months.

By: hotoldlady

hotoldlady — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 15:50:00 +0000

linguistics researchers claim that newly delivered babies recognize their mothers' voices as shown by their turning towards the mother when she speaks. Since babies hear in the womb, it seems unlikely that they wouldn't recognize their mothers' --and fathers' or others'-- voices. Also,one of my babies cried for hours when I left him with a babysitter when he was four weeks old, so I think 3 months is late for bonding. I would want further verification.

By: Growing Freedom

Growing Freedom — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 15:45:00 +0000

"Again, this research refers to the mother's bonding with the baby and not vica versa. Also, as later researchers have pointed out, this so-called critical period turns out not to be that critical at all. "

A critical point. The failure for the mother to bond with the baby can be hugely important later on, but as you point out, this has (or perhaps little?) nothing to do with the baby bonding with the parent(s).

By: Tim Young

Tim Young — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 20:52:00 +0000

All quite true.
I have been heavily involved from birth throughout with our three children and in the first days and weeks, the baby just needs to be warm and comfortable and it is happy. There is no apparent bonding or preference with either parent.
Perhaps another observation that supports this is the way newborns tend to get passed around to everyone and anyone who "wants a hold" - this doesn't seem to bother them either.

By: Miss Cellania

Miss Cellania — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 18:14:00 +0000

Fascinating. Now how about older children, who CAN respond? I have two adopted children, and watched carefully for signs of bonding. The differences between the two were significant, I think because they were different ages at adoption and had different background experiences. But they also had very different personalities from birth.