Comments on: Is Marriage Dying? No. (Well, Probably Not) http://www.spring.org.uk/2007/08/is-marriage-dying-no-well-probably-not.php Understand your mind with the science of psychology - Mon, 04 May 2009 10:30:58 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: contourz http://www.spring.org.uk/2007/08/is-marriage-dying-no-well-probably-not.php/comment-page-1#comment-21606 contourz Tue, 27 May 2008 20:40:00 +0000 http://spring.org.uk/2007/08/is-marriage-dying-no-well-probably-not.php#comment-21606 My feeling is that the children surveyed, like all in our education system, aren't being told the truth about what the marriage contract actually says. Our lawyers and judges have redefined it over the past 30 years to the point that what these kids think marriage is bears almost no resemblance to what is defined in courts. Especially, the boys are not being told that they, at any time, without recourse, can be dragged into court, forced to pay tens of thousands of dollars to the legal system to lose 1/2 of their assets, be separated from their children, and pay through the nose to a person who has betrayed their marriage vows. Teaching this simple aspect of civics to our kids would kill marriage dead; not a moment too soon in my opinion; I have no desire to share the world with rich and slimy divorce lawyers or family court justices. My feeling is that the children surveyed, like all in our education system, aren't being told the truth about what the marriage contract actually says. Our lawyers and judges have redefined it over the past 30 years to the point that what these kids think marriage is bears almost no resemblance to what is defined in courts. Especially, the boys are not being told that they, at any time, without recourse, can be dragged into court, forced to pay tens of thousands of dollars to the legal system to lose 1/2 of their assets, be separated from their children, and pay through the nose to a person who has betrayed their marriage vows. Teaching this simple aspect of civics to our kids would kill marriage dead; not a moment too soon in my opinion; I have no desire to share the world with rich and slimy divorce lawyers or family court justices.

]]> By: Jeremy (PsyBlog author) http://www.spring.org.uk/2007/08/is-marriage-dying-no-well-probably-not.php/comment-page-1#comment-20323 Jeremy (PsyBlog author) Thu, 16 Aug 2007 07:42:00 +0000 http://spring.org.uk/2007/08/is-marriage-dying-no-well-probably-not.php#comment-20323 Matt, yeah you make a strong point for why marriage is becoming less popular. I think many adults are still in the midsts of trying to work out what marriage is for or what it means. <br /><br />For the adolescents in this survey, though, they've got this realisation to look forward to. Matt, yeah you make a strong point for why marriage is becoming less popular. I think many adults are still in the midsts of trying to work out what marriage is for or what it means.

For the adolescents in this survey, though, they've got this realisation to look forward to.

]]> By: Matt Munro http://www.spring.org.uk/2007/08/is-marriage-dying-no-well-probably-not.php/comment-page-1#comment-20314 Matt Munro Mon, 13 Aug 2007 14:18:00 +0000 http://spring.org.uk/2007/08/is-marriage-dying-no-well-probably-not.php#comment-20314 If you use a transactive model of relationships, marriage is not seen as providing a reasonable balance of risks and rewards, particularly for men. Once upon a time, in exchange for bread winning, males could expect emotional security, care for home and children and a certain social status. None of these things are readily avaiable or necesarily desirable, and at the same time the "debits" of marriage have increased significantly, through the legal, fiscal and consequent social changes of the past 20 years. In particular the financial penalties of a failed marriage and societys' ambivalent and contradictory attitudes to fatherhood are making marriage increasingly risky and unattractive. <br />For women, the diminishing number of high status potential mates, particularly for middle class women, is exposing the downside of closing the earnings gap and for working class women, the state has effectively usurped the economic and social purpose of a husband.<br /><br />TAXI !! If you use a transactive model of relationships, marriage is not seen as providing a reasonable balance of risks and rewards, particularly for men. Once upon a time, in exchange for bread winning, males could expect emotional security, care for home and children and a certain social status. None of these things are readily avaiable or necesarily desirable, and at the same time the "debits" of marriage have increased significantly, through the legal, fiscal and consequent social changes of the past 20 years. In particular the financial penalties of a failed marriage and societys' ambivalent and contradictory attitudes to fatherhood are making marriage increasingly risky and unattractive.
For women, the diminishing number of high status potential mates, particularly for middle class women, is exposing the downside of closing the earnings gap and for working class women, the state has effectively usurped the economic and social purpose of a husband.

TAXI !!

]]> By: Jeremy (PsyBlog author) http://www.spring.org.uk/2007/08/is-marriage-dying-no-well-probably-not.php/comment-page-1#comment-20307 Jeremy (PsyBlog author) Sun, 12 Aug 2007 09:14:00 +0000 http://spring.org.uk/2007/08/is-marriage-dying-no-well-probably-not.php#comment-20307 Will, nicely crowbarred in! Will, nicely crowbarred in!

]]> By: Will http://www.spring.org.uk/2007/08/is-marriage-dying-no-well-probably-not.php/comment-page-1#comment-20303 Will Sat, 11 Aug 2007 04:09:00 +0000 http://spring.org.uk/2007/08/is-marriage-dying-no-well-probably-not.php#comment-20303 Incidentally, I just noticed that the title of this article conceals a double meaning that is, well, <a href="http://www.spring.org.uk/2007/08/237-reasons-for-sex-vegansexuals-toilet.php" rel="nofollow">trembling hand perfect</a>.<br /><br />"Is Marriage Dying?" could mean what I'm sure it's intended to mean - is the institution of marriage dying out, that is to say, going away? Then again, it could also be read as: is being married equivalent to being dead?<br /><br />Ha. Incidentally, I just noticed that the title of this article conceals a double meaning that is, well, trembling hand perfect.

"Is Marriage Dying?" could mean what I'm sure it's intended to mean - is the institution of marriage dying out, that is to say, going away? Then again, it could also be read as: is being married equivalent to being dead?

Ha.

]]> By: Will http://www.spring.org.uk/2007/08/is-marriage-dying-no-well-probably-not.php/comment-page-1#comment-20301 Will Fri, 10 Aug 2007 17:57:00 +0000 http://spring.org.uk/2007/08/is-marriage-dying-no-well-probably-not.php#comment-20301 I would imagine most of these people are getting their ideas of marriage and the social norms surrounding it from popular culture, mainly TV and movies. The fact that it is still relevant in those contexts does, I would imagine, indicate that it is still important to us and will continue to be so.<br /><br />On the other hand, without wanting to discount the value of this study, I believe it's of limited use to ask people what they're "going to" do, especially when dealing with such a nebulous subject. I think that all of us find ourselves in situations where the obvious thing to do is not what we would have predicted we would do ten years before. For example, I wonder what the results would have been had the researchers also asked whether they thought they would get divorced, if they had indicated that they would get married. Very few people (in my experience) predict that they will get divorced, yet obviously, many of them will.<br /><br />It also brings to mind the programs that have elementary-age kids promising that they'll never do drugs or smoke cigarettes or what-have-you. Whenever I see one of those t-shirts I have to wonder if those promises mean anything. And I may be a pessimist, but I doubt they really count for much. Being a young adult and the attendant stresses and pressures lead to much more difficult choices that appear simple when one is a child. I would imagine most of these people are getting their ideas of marriage and the social norms surrounding it from popular culture, mainly TV and movies. The fact that it is still relevant in those contexts does, I would imagine, indicate that it is still important to us and will continue to be so.

On the other hand, without wanting to discount the value of this study, I believe it's of limited use to ask people what they're "going to" do, especially when dealing with such a nebulous subject. I think that all of us find ourselves in situations where the obvious thing to do is not what we would have predicted we would do ten years before. For example, I wonder what the results would have been had the researchers also asked whether they thought they would get divorced, if they had indicated that they would get married. Very few people (in my experience) predict that they will get divorced, yet obviously, many of them will.

It also brings to mind the programs that have elementary-age kids promising that they'll never do drugs or smoke cigarettes or what-have-you. Whenever I see one of those t-shirts I have to wonder if those promises mean anything. And I may be a pessimist, but I doubt they really count for much. Being a young adult and the attendant stresses and pressures lead to much more difficult choices that appear simple when one is a child.

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